


Adore

by Kicktokill



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU - High School, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Good taste in music, M/M, Pretty much everyone I can add, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, but where I live 16 is consent, fighting and getting hurt, still you have been warned, super fluff, they are underage, underage soft drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:15:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kicktokill/pseuds/Kicktokill
Summary: After his parent's tragic death, Kira Izuru moved to a new town to live with his uncle. He just wanted to be alone, but found himself trapped in a strange, breath taking feeling. Why is he making him feel like this? This is a story about self-discovery, first love and growing-up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first AU story I created, it's going to be multi-chapter. It is unlike anything I ever wrote, but that's the beauty of writing, right? We can create anything we want. This story will be a fluffy mess with a tiny bit of drama, but nothing too serious. It's a soft story carrying the feelings I currently have. The image of Kira that I have for these first chapters at least, is Academy days-Kira.
> 
> The school year in this story follow the Japanese one – It starts in April. I hope you enjoy :)

**Chapter 1** – The first day

There are two types of people in the world. The ones who know pain, and the ones who don't.

Izuru's mother used to say,  _don't judge a book by its cover._ _Y_ _ou don't know what_ _others have_ _been through. It's not our place to judge when we don't know_ _how_ _they_ _feel._  This was probably true, mothers are always right, but sometimes Izuru couldn't help but think that these were just nice words to make her look good.

People don't know pain, until something terrible happens. They know heartbreak, physical ache, but pain that freezes your guts, mutilates your lungs to the point you can't breathe, that dulls your mind, and can't make you think anymore… pain of someone dear dying… Very few knew, and it upset him, how everyone assumed that they knew what he was feeling.

His parents funeral took place four months ago, but everyone still looked at him and faked their pity and empathy.

Momo was the only person who didn't do this; she was the closest to understand what he was feeling. Her parents left her with her grandmother when she was 3 and never returned. She never spoke about it, but Izuru knew she was conformed with the situation. She loved living with Granny and her cousin, and that was enough.

It was now the end of Summer vacation, and they both sat in her house's porch doing nothing but staring at the trees, clouds and birds. This was the last time they were doing it. In the following day, Izuru was going to move in with his uncle to another city, leaving Rukongai for good. He didn't have any other family members, and he couldn't continue to impose Granny. She already did too much by taking him in these past months.

Momo sighed next to him. Izuru looked at her, she was small, cute and intelligent. She always said that she wasn't the type that guys liked, but Izuru begged to differ. She wasn't the type that guys wanted to hit on, she was the type guys wanted to have as a girlfriend.

They knew each other since elementary school, and many people wondered if they dated as they were always together. It occurred to Izuru in the past to try something, just for the sake of at least know what it was like to kiss, but he never had the courage to do it. Izuru was the type of person, girls liked to have as a best friend, not kiss. Plus, Izuru didn't want to ruin his friendship. They were best friends, and that was more important than anything else.

Izuru hugged his knees tightly, hiding his head. This was a sad goodbye, but he had to get away from this town and from these frivolous people. They lived in the rich part of Rukongai, where everyone had nice houses, big cars, wore high-end clothes and had important jobs. Everybody was the CEO of some company, or a bank. Everybody was the same, looked the same, thought the same. Izuru himself was part of "everybody" 4 months ago, he looked the same as every other guy at school, heard the same music, watched the same shows, had the same phone, spoke about the same subjects. His parents were co-founders of a successful book editor that had launched the career of many famous authors. He was a clone like any other.

But now… he guessed, he woke up. That's what pain does, it awakens us.

Momo was never part of  _everybody_  though, she genuinely liked the lifestyle, but knew how to be humble. Her origins taught that. She was able to be part of  _everybody_  and at the same time be herself. This is what Izuru liked the most about her.

"Well," she spoke, "at least you won't be alone. Abarai-kun is in that school."

True. He had a childhood friend there, but he doubted that Abarai even remembered him properly. They stopped talking in middle school, and then was just the yearly Happy Birthday through social media.

"And it will do you good. I mean, it's a public school, but it's better right? You'll have more freedom, probably you can wear any clothes you like."

"They also use uniforms," Izuru mentioned. They were different though. In the private school, the uniform consisted of a dark blue blazer, pants, vest, shirt and a red bow, with shiny black shoes, while the new one, was just a beige cardigan, white shirt with tie, and plaid brown pants. The shoes were plain black ones.

"Oh..." She crossed her arms and looked at him. "Still, you will meet new people, normal people."

"I don't want to meet people."

"Hey," Momo put her arm around him. "I know you don't want to be with anybody, but promise me you won't be alone. Promise me you won't isolate yourself."

Izuru looked back at her, Momo was dead serious glaring.

"I promise." She wouldn't let him go if he didn't.

"And if you need, you can always videochat me." She smiled, her perfect white teeth showed, and he smiled back. "You need to visit us, do you think your uncle will allow?"

"I think he will."

"Isn't he the musician?"

"Yes, he's a music teacher, he plays in a band I think." His parents rarely spoke about Rose, almost as if he was the black sheep of the house. He didn't want to follow the family business so he followed his own path.

In the next day, his uncle came to take him to his new house by car. Momo, Granny and even the little Toushirou wished him farewell. No one else came as no else knew he was leaving. No one needed to know. Although, Izuru still felt a small tight in his chest for not telling anything to his senpai who took care of him at school.

It was a four hour drive, that seemed like eight. Rose attempted to make conversation, but Izuru didn't want to talk. He was rarely in the mood in the past days.

Rose was a nice guy, with long blond hair, always wearing a suite casually. He wore many rings in his fingers and patted the steering wheel while listening to classic rock songs.

They stopped at a service station for a quick break. Izuru checked his phone, he had a text message and for a second he let out a small grin.

" _Bye Bye Izuru :)_ "

He wasn't expecting it. Gulping, he replied back, " _Goodbye, Ichimaru-senpai",_  Momo found Ichimaru creepy and didn't like him much, but he was a good person. And he noticed he was gone… This was heart-warming.

They arrived during the afternoon. Rose's flat was on the third floor of a small apartment complex. It was located in a quiet area, between many other buildings in a suburban area.

The house itself was not too small. It had a living room, a separate kitchen, bathroom and two bed rooms. Izuru's room was simple with just furniture: bed, nightstand, desk and a small walk in closet.

"Decorate it as you like, it's your space now."

He unpacked his belongings, clothes, books, laptop, gaming console, and others objects he brought. He had no TV in the room, so his console was useless. He still enjoyed having it displayed, plus his video games. His mother offered him for Christmas 2 years ago and it was a sweet memory. His father playing with him fighting games, his mother yelling for them to go to bed, threatening to hide the console if they didn't obey. Still, she would offer him the newest game, every time he asked…

Izuru sat on the single bed. The bed was leaning against the window. He looked outside. The street was calm, a car passing by once in a while. The air smelled different.

He look into his phone and went through the gallery, he watched his mother's photo, he got teary but didn't cry. The tears dried a long time ago.

The phone rang in his hand, and he stared at group chat that he was just added.

**Reunion**

_You joined Reunion chat._

_Peaches: Here he is!_

_Red Monkey: Kira!_

_Peaches: Did you arrive at Seireitei?_

_Kira, not killer: Hello, yes I'm here._

_Red Monkey: Cool, how are u man? :D_

Izuru smiled. Abarai still remembered him.

_Kira, not killer: I'm fine, and you?_

_Red Monkey: I'm great! I miss u! When are u startin school?_

_Kira, not killer: Monday_

_Red Monkey: Ok, I will wait for u at the entrance. Anything, text me, ok?_

_Kira, not killer: Ok. Thanks._

_Peaches: Abarai-kun take care of him!_

_Red Monkey: Yes, mom._

_Red Monkey: :P_

_Red Monkey: Of course, I will!_

Izuru received another text message, but just from Momo.

_Peaches: Now you have his number. Make friends!_

_Kira, not killer: Yes, mom…_

He knew she was trying her best for him to move one, but Izuru just needed some time for himself.

He stayed home the whole weekend, preparing his room.

Monday came fast, and he tried the new uniform. The brown plaid pants were not very fashionable, the shirt was plain, and the tie was the same plaid pattern as the pants. He felt different just by using it. Unlike, his previous school, the uniform didn't include the bag, so he wore his dark blue Eastpak.

Rose drove him to the school, and parked at the beginning of the street. Many parents were parked driving their children, and it was chaotic.

"Are you ready?" Rose asked. Izuru wanted to say No, but he couldn't. Izuru smiled lightly, "Yes, thank you for the ride."

"No problem, good luck!"

Izuru got out of the car and started walking. The school was big, it would take a few minutes until he reached the main gate. On the side, some students were chatting, a couple was even making out, and for some reason that made him feel uncomfortable. There were many bikes and motorbikes parked.

A guy wearing a black leather jacket, had just parked a green Kawasaki. Izuru realized it was also a student, since he was wearing the same plaid pants. The student removed his helmet and placed straight away a cigarette in his lips, lightening it with one hand.

Izuru mentally cringed. He didn't like the idea of students smoking, in his old school, if someone smoked they would be expelled right away. It was strange that this guy just did it casually next to the school… sure, they weren't at the entrance, but still… Izuru was quite sure now, that he wasn't going to like this place.

The guy made eye contact with him, and it startled him. He started walking faster. The guy had a freaking tattoo in his face! What the heck?! It's like he just moved to the delinquent town! His heart beat faster by the second, he walked faster until he reached the gate. Many students were entering and he followed them.

He looked around to look for Abarai, but there were so many people. He considered texting him but he didn't want to be a bother. He walked towards the main building, when he heard his name being called.

"Kira!" Abarai was on the side of the building waiting for him. He wasn't alone.

Izuru met him and Abarai hugged him catching by surprise. Abarai was tall, very tall. He had broad shoulders and still had the long red hair. He wore the same uniform as a Kira, but with the shirt and the tie lose. His hair was tied in a ponytail, and he had a red bandana partially covering his head. What surprised Izuru the most though was the fact Abarai had tattooed his neck. He looked so different from elementary school. The skinny tall redheaded kid turned into a buff, still tall, axe-smelling dude.

Izuru could barely react with the bear hug. Abarai turned him around to his friends and still with his arm around him, he spoke.

"Guys, this is Kira Izuru my friend I told you about!" then he started pointing. "That's Madarame, Iba, the hot one is Matsumoto," she smiled and wave him back, she looked like a Hollywood star, with wavy hair and perfect makeup. "that's Yumichika," Izuru felt his glare, Yumichika reminded him of the guys from his old school. "And I think you remember Rukia, right?" the smaller girl waved him, "'Sup Kira?"

"Hello," he replied.

All looked very casual. They wore the uniforms the way the preferred. Ikkaku didn't even wear the tie. Iba, didn't had the shirt tuck in his pants, and wore sunglasses, while Matsumoto could barely close the shirt. Yumichika wore his uniform properly on the exception that his shirt was also not tucked in. What this the general rule? He looked around and saw that other students also wore the shirt tucked in so he didn't think much about it. The only one who seemed to wear the uniform correctly was Rukia.

Izuru remembered Rukia, she was at his elementary school as well, but he never became too close to her.

Matsumoto started to talk with him, "So, you came from Rukongai High?"

Izuru denied, "N-no, I came from Rukongai County"

"The private school?" Yumichika asked raising an eyebrow.

It didn't look like it was a good thing to share.

"Yes."

"Oh, so you're probably rich? Why did you change and move here to the common folk school?"

"Yumi!"

"What? I just find it odd."

Matsumoto just glared him and then turned to Izuru. "Don't mind Yumi, he takes time to warm up. I know someone from Rukongai County-"

She was stopped by Abarai's words. "This is Hisagi," Izuru turned around and looked at the new comer. Leather jacket, tattoo in his face. It was the guy from before. He was now wearing sunglasses though. "And this is Kira, my friend I told you was coming."

Hisagi put down his shoulder bag, while looking up and muttered a low "Hey" before sitting down next to Ikkaku.

"Rough night?" Iba asked.

"Kinda," Hisagi replied. His voice was low and husky and Izuru started to feel uncomfortable again. These people were not the type he was used to.

"We should come inside. What's your class?" Abarai asked, as they walked into the main building.

"2-A"

"Cool, that's my class too!"

Izuru was seriously impressed. 2-A was the Advanced class, and he didn't expect to have his friend there. He felt guilty for misjudging Abarai.

"Come sit next to me." They sat down in the middle of the classroom. All of Abarai's friends were scattered in different classes, except for Hisagi who followed them, and sat behind him. He removed his jacket, but kept the glasses on. He laid down his head, using his arms as pillows.

"So, where are you living?" Abarai asked.

"About 20 minutes by car. It's nearby a coffee shop with a crown logo." That was the only landmark Izuru found.

"Oh I think it is nearby my place! I can show you around town after school if you want to."

Abarai was so excited, he couldn't say no.

"Sure."

"How is Hinamori doing?" the redheaded asked. "We've been texting but it's been a while since I saw you two."

"She's fine. You know Momo, she always fine."

"Ahahah, that's is true. I still remember when we were played tag, and she was faster than us."

"She's still fast. She is in the tracking team."

"I'm not surprised. What about you? Are you part of any clubs?"

Izuru wondered for a moment what he should say. His previous school, had clubs for anything. He realized it would be stupid to lie.

"Reading club."

"Oh, too bad we don't have that here. Well, actually there's barely no clubs, and none of us are part of it. We are more, let's hang out after school club."

Even if there were any clubs, Izuru wouldn't join this time. His goal was to be alone as much as possible.

The first class was history with Kyoraku-sensei, who was probably the most chilled teacher he ever met. He introduced Izuru to the class, and then told all students to continue an essay they started the week before. Izuru joined Abarai with his essay to understand what they were doing. To be honest they were way behind compared to Rukongai County.

Hisagi still sat behind them, sleeping. Izuru wondered how the teacher never mentioned anything, it was odd how relaxed they were.

The class went by fast. During break, Abarai presented him to more people, and showed him the key places of the school. Lockers, the cool bathrooms, hangout spots, cafeteria, and the rooftop. The rooftop was clearly off-limits to the students, but all Abarai's friends were there mostly sucking those cancer sticks.

During lunch hour, the canteen was filled with students. And he could tell apart the different groups. It was like watching a teen movie. There were the preps, the jocks, the popular girls flirting with the jocks, the more alternative kids, and then Abarai's table… Izuru realized they were definitely the delinquents. They were loud, Matsumoto was sitting on the tab laughing loudly with Yumichika. Madarame, punching the table."That fucker!"

Abarai sat and Izuru followed. "What happened?"

"He was kicked out of class by Soi Fon, for texting," Yumichika stated as he took a bite of his lunch.

"I was fucking texting you!"

"It's your fault for being so careless."

"Why are you so upset? You're kicked out of classes all the time," Abarai asked.

"Kenpachi told him that he couldn't practice anymore at the dojo if he didn't improve at school," Iba responded.

Izuru just listened, not understanding most of the conversations. A tray was put on the table and Hisagi sat across him. His sunglasses were gone, and so was the jacket. He almost looked like a normal student. Izuru didn't want to stare, but he noticed the brunet in front of him wore spiked bracelets in his wrists and had his nails painted black.

He looked up, and then for the first time he actually saw Hisagi's face properly. The tattoo was actually a 69 tattoo, which was a thousand times more insane, but what petrified him the most was the three big scars in the right side of his face.

Izuru gulped and looked down to his food. He was intrigued, what could've happened to make him look like that.

He looked up and their eyes met. Izuru broke the stare straight away. He was so nervous he couldn't even eat anymore.

During the afternoon, classes were not that different from the morning. He already covered all the subjects before summer at Rukongai County, so this was like a massive review.

Unlike the morning, Hisagi was awake, but doodling or drawing in his notebook. He was sitting right behind Izuru, so he could ear the sound of the pencil grasping against paper. Abarai was interested in class most of the times, but from time to time he would text from his phone.

When the classes ended, Abarai took him around town like he promised. Rukia and Matsumoto went with them. It took him a whole day to realize that Abarai and Rukia were dating. They weren't the typical couple that was always holding hands or kissing. One could easily miss they were together.

Matsumoto was kind of nice to Izuru. She made small talk here and there, slowly making him feel comfortable. Although, she did looked shallow, she was kind. They even exchanged numbers.

"My boyfriend is from Rukongai County," she revealed and she sipped from the straw of her frappuccino. "You may know him."

Izuru looked down at his latte,  _everybody_  knew everybody at his previous school.

"Probably," he murmured. Her blue eyes analyzed him as if she could see what he was feeling. Maybe she could, by the way she spoke, "He says that the people there are kind of assholes."

"They are", he agreed, and she laughed.

They took the girls to their bus stops, and waited until they got their bus home. Abarai and he would walk home, since apparently wasn't very far away.

"So what do you think of school? Not as posh and fancy as you're used to, but..."

Abarai lit a cigarette and slowly smoked it. Apparently, Rukia didn't like he smoked so he had to do it behind her back.

"It's nice."

Abarai continued smoking, and he felt bad for not saying anything else, he added, "It's nice to meet new people."

The redheaded grinned. "I know the guys are kind of messed up, but they are the best of friends you can have." he put his big arm around Izuru, "you can count on us, we have your back."

"Thanks." It was such a nice thing to say. He could be a bit too touchy now, but Abarai was the same as when they were children.

"Hey, I didn't had the chance to say before… I'm sorry about your parents". His voice was low and sincere.

A tinge of pain blurt from Izuru's chest.

"It's ok, I'm copping", he gulped, "I think."

"Can I ask what happened?" Abarai let him go and continued to smoke. Izuru was pretty sure Abarai already knew what happened. Momo must have told him, but he replied anyway.

"It was a car accident. A truck hit the car that was driving in front of theirs and they were in the highway, so... it was… difficult to..." his voice trailed of. Yeah, right copping… He really needed to see a therapist again.

"Sorry," Abarai said again looking down. The redheaded was an orphan along his baby brother; they were both adopted when he was at elementary school, that's why he left. He had passed through a similar situation.

Abarai lived 10 minutes away from him, which was reassuring, considering he felt lost in this place.

Izuru was confused, he wanted to be alone, but at the same time he was relieved he wasn't.

At home, Rose was cooking dinner. He seemed happy that Izuru arrived late. He wanted nothing more than a soothing welcome. He could tell that Rose was trying really hard to make him feel comfortable. So he gave him a lot of space and freedom.

Izuru went to his room and took off his uniform. Before getting ready for dinner, he went to his laptop. He checked his emails and the notifications in his Soulspace page. He had messages from Momo, and 3 friend requests: Matsumoto, Rukia and the last one made his lungs feel constricted.

Hisagi Shuuhei.

He couldn't understand why this Hisagi guy was making him feel so weird. Every one in that group was strange to say the least. Heck, Iba and Madarame looked like they were part of a gang.

He wondered if he should accept the request; they didn't even speak besides the  _Hey_  from that morning. The small profile picture showed Hisagi's face partially hidden behind a professional photo camera, as if he was taking a picture of himself. He tried to check the profile, but was set to Friend's Only. The only thing he could see was that tiny picture.

His hand moved faster than his brain and he ended up accepting all requests.

He was thinking too much of this. He was not in a good emotional state, and there were a lot of things going on.

He closed the laptop abruptly and left for dinner.

Things would get better. They  _had_  to.


	2. Friend Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a builder chapter. For some reason, Kira turned into a geek and for non-gamer fans this chapter may be strange, but worry not my friends, romance will ensue soon.

The second day of school was as eventful as the first day. Izuru met with Abarai and his friends, who once again were loud, not caring if they disturbed others. The others students walked by trying to ignore them, they wouldn't interact with them. It was if this group was invisible, while it clearly was not.

The first class was Literature with Ukitake-sensei. It was an easy and entertaining class. Ukitake was the type of teacher that everybody seem to like. Even Abarai laughed when he made a joke. The teacher was kind and made all students feel involved.

Behind Izuru, Hisagi sat quietly. He had arrive late that morning, and Ukitake informed him that they would need to speak after class. This was the first time, he saw a teacher say anything about Hisagi's behavior.

The bell rang, and all students started leaving. Izuru gathered his belonging and started following Abarai who just left the room.

"Kira-kun, can you please wait a moment?" Ukitake's voice was soft. He was smiling.

The class was empty on the exception of Hisagi who was still sitting in his desk, probably waiting for his talk. Izuru didn't dare to look at his direction.

"Yes, sensei?"

"I just wanted to inform you that I'm the student counselor. According to your record, we need to have an appointment together once a week in your first month."

Oh, yes, he remembered Rose telling him something like that. A counselor at school to aid his school induction, and maybe no need for a therapist. Izuru was okay with the idea it was Ukitake the one doing the follow-ups, but he hoped that he was not pushy. He was now used to Yamada as his therapist in Rukongai, and let's say that Yamada was the type that didn't ask too many questions. He just let the time pass by.

"Ok, sure," was the only thing he could reply. For a second he looked at his side, and his eyes met Hisagi's. The taller boy was watching him. He gulped, feeling uneasy.

"Great! Then, let's schedule every Wednesday after class, one hour."

After agreeing with all the details, Izuru left the room. He could only hear the faint voice of Ukitake, "Shuuhei-kun, are you sleeping late again?" He left without hearing the answer. He hoped that Hisagi wouldn't tell the others he had counseling time. This was private and kind of embarrassing. It was unusual for a new student to need a counselor. What if they all started ostracizing him? Or worst, judge him?

He ran away from his previous school because of that. To avoid the glares and gossip.  _"His parents died", "he looks terrible", "_ _orphan, that means no more money, right?"_

All classes in the morning were quiet, and Izuru could start understanding the type of people in his class. Th majority were what he considered "nerds", students who probably only lived for school and grades. Like he was before. Probably still was now. The only two out of place, were definitely Abarai and Hisagi.

During lunch time, they bought their lunches and went to the roof top to meet with the others.

Abarai joined Rukia, and pecked her lips. It was the first time, Izuru saw them act romantically. He didn't follow the redhead, so he ended up sitting far from the others picking at his lunch not very hungry. Everyone was either eating or smoking, or both in the case of Iba.

Hisagi was leaning against the wall, with his sunglasses, and earphones on. The sun was bathing him, and Izuru could swear he was probably asleep. He found himself staring a little bit too much. He was so different than everyone else he ever met.

He looked away to the main group. They were all sitting in a half circle, and Izuru saw they were counting money.

"We're missing Matsumoto's share, but I think we have enough." Madarame turned to the blonde, "you hear me, we need the money by tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll bring it tomorrow." She pouted, and then glanced to Izuru's way.

Izuru had no idea what the money was for, it was just too odd. Were they doing some kind of illegal transaction? Damn, he was nervous just by sitting in that rooftop, they weren't suppose to be here. What if they were caught?

"Kira!" Matsumoto asked. "Do you want to come with us after school? We're going to the mall."

Izuru was tired and he didn't really wanted to do anything, so he denied.

The afternoon classes were a bit boring compared to the morning. Sasakibe was their English teacher, but it was embarrassing to say the least. From his pronunciation, to the fact every item he had was decorated with the UK flag… someone was obsessed.

He could understand why so many students were almost asleep or busy with their phones. Izuru couldn't do it though, and let's face it, there was nothing very interesting going on with his phone.

After classes, he decided to go straight away home. The house was empty, and Izuru realized that in the fridge door there was a paper pined by magnets with what seemed to be Rose's schedule. He worked almost every day, but in different locations. He was never in the same place.

Izuru wondered for a moment why Rose accepted him. A teenage boy with pending mental issues, who needed a therapist to sleep at night, who was spoiled by loving parents, and who was now empty as shell.

He went to his room. There was still no TV so he couldn't play his videogames, he could just plugged the console in the living room's LED but that was Rose's space.

He finished his homework early and turned on the small stereo radio he ownd.. Just crappy radio stations, with crappy electronic pop music. What happened to music? Was it weird he liked video game music more than mainstream songs?

He laid down on his bed, with his laptop in his lap. He went through his emails, and checked the blogs he followed. Then he went to his Soulspace page. Matsumoto was a  _poster,_ the type that took at least one picture per day. Clothes and food. Rukia in the other hand, was the type to post social and political analysis. A lot of Greenpeace and humanitarian re-posts. Her photos were mainly her and some people Izuru never saw, like an orange-haired kid. Abarai was with them as well, and a few more where it was just the two of them.

Izuru didn't have many pictures in his profile. Just his profile picture, which was him looking away at the horizon or whatever, it was Momo who took that pic over a year ago. Then he had two pictures with Momo, and another which was Momo's cat.

He checked Abarai's profile. He could now recognize most people in the pictures. Selfies with Yumichika, photos with Iba and Ikkaku, at times even the orange-haired kid was in those photos, Rukia and him, and also Abarai and Hisagi.

Izuru stared at this last picture. Abarai had his arm around Hisagi's shoulders, the background showed it was night. They were both smirking, Abarai's wider than Hisagi's. They were wearing identical black shirts. The photo was posted four months ago.

It was intriguing… He clicked to see Hisagi's profile. The head banner was a black and white picture of a dead tree. The posts were primarily about music. Likes and reposts of band videos. They were all metal bands, some of the band names were unrecognizable. He clicked the photo gallery, and the first picture was the profile one. Now he could see the big version. It was Hisagi's face half-covered by a camera, the 69 tattoo was solid black, his eye was as dark. The picture was black and white, and it had an artistic perspective.

The following photo was Hisagi sitting in the middle of a grass field, his legs crossed. He was wearing the same leather jacket, black pants and boots. His face barely visible. The next picture made Izuru gulp. It was a photo where Hisagi was smiling hugging a girl and a big guy who were as happy as he was. He had the 69 tattoo, but no scars. He still had the same style, but… the photo was from 2 years ago. So he got those scars within this timeframe. The smile and scar-less face made him look like a different person.

There were two more photos with those two people and all were as old as the first. Then some random pictures of nature in some dark and macabre scenarios.

Izuru turned off the pc and looked at the ceiling. Momo was right, there were some very different people in this town.

During dinner, Rose told he was a guitar player in a band he had with close friends. They rehearsed a few times per weak, sometimes at his house, and even played in local bars.

"This Saturday, we're playing nearby, I would like you to come."

He couldn't say no. Rose was doing lot for him. Also, he never saw a band live.

The third day at school was different. It started with the worst class of all. P.E. Izuru was fairly okay with sports, but Abarai was too excited about playing soccer, it scared him. Hisagi was not participating. He was actually sitting against the wall, fully-clothed with the normal uniform listening to music from his earphones.

Abarai shot the ball to him, but Izuru clumsy failed o catch it several times. He heard his colleagues groan and complain many times. He was freaking pathetic at this.

Lunch time was the same as the day before, but this time Izuru sat closer to the group. It wouldn't hurt to try to be friends, right? Hisagi slept on the floor, using his bag as a pillow. Sunglasses, and earphones always on. Izuru couldn't stop thinking about the smiling photo in his profile.

"Kira, will you meet us today after school? We're going to the Arcade," Abarai asked.

He already refused before, it would be rude to do so again.

"Yes, but I need to do something before I may arrive late."

"No biggie, we'll go home first to change anyways. Hisagi, you're coming too, right?"

The sleeping boy grunted, and Izuru didn't understand if it was a positive grunt or negative.

After the last class, Izuru went to Ukitake's office. It was big, with books in every wall. There was a big window, with bigger plants surrounding it.

Ukitake offered him tea, which Izuru politely refused.

"So, how are you feeling about school?" he asked.

This was the number one question he got from everyone, so he replied the same way he did before.

"Fine. It's nice."

"I know that we are a bit behind compared to your previous school, but we can consider this as an extra reinforcement in learning material?" he laughed.

"Y-yes."

"What about friends. I noticed you're close to Abarai-kun."

Close? Well, compared to all the others probably yes.

"We are childhood friends."

"Oh is that so?" Ukitake raised an eyebrow and smiled while writing in his notes. "Abarai-kun sometimes acts recklessly, but he is a good student. He may get a good scholarship if he continues like this. What about you, do you have any plans for the future?"

Did he? Were his plans still up?

"I want to study literature. I would like to become a writer."

"That's good." Ukitake was the Literature teacher, he liked this. "What about hobbies, do you have any?"

"I like to write and read."

"Do you normally show your writing to others?" he asked.

"No." Of course not, he would die of embarrassment if he did. He wasn't a good writer, he was just… emotional and distorted.

"Does it bother you, that I'm asking you this?" he asked calmly.

"No. I understand that you need to assess my social skills."

Ukitaked grinned. "You're clever Kira-kun." then he asked, "How do you assess your own social skills?"

"Well," being realistic… he was terrible, he was great at pretending he liked others, but that was really the problem, he wasn't sure how to be truthful when he didn't like something. "I'm okay with others, I just need time. I'm not ready to get too close to new people. I think I just... need time."

This is what he wanted to hear, right?

Ukitake read him for a while and then leaned back.

"I agree, time is needed. Times heals one's soul."

The meeting was finished after a few more questions about home life and school.

After it, Izuru went home and changed to new clothes before gathering with the others. He changed to a plain light blue shirt, Levis jeans and his new black converse all stars. These were purchased with Momo, who got the same pair but in red. It was right before leaving. It was a silly thing, but it was a small connection they had.

He walked down the road alone, and a few minutes later he met Abarai at his place. Abarai was casually dressed as well, dark blue t-shirt and jeans, with his hair down. His room was small and messy, piles of dirty clothes on the floor, clutter on the tables. The walls had posters of monkeys and a lot of photos of friends.

The redheaded noticed him looking at them. "Hisagi took those. He's a photographer, he even has his own black room in his bathroom. It's really cool."

Izuru's stomach jumped the moment he heard the other's name. The pictures were all of friends and portraits. They did look good. Very professional.

"He's kind of strange..." Izuru muttered, and then blushed bright red when he noticed what he just said.

Abarai was looking for socks in his draws.

"He's not, he's just going through a rough phase."

"Why is he always sleepy?" Was this intruding?

"Ah yeah, 'cause he works at night sometimes. Plus, he's repeating the year so it's probably boring for him."

Repeating?

"He flunked?" Why was he in advance class then?

"Yes, but because he missed classes, not for not studying. He's probably the smartest person at school."

Izuru was definitely not expecting this. Working? What type of work was he doing? Why was Izuru even thinking about this? He shouldn't care, he shouldn't judge.

They went to the Arcade, where all others were. Matsumoto was wearing a purple short dress, and extreme high heels. Wordless to say, all guys in that place were looking and drooling.

The others were all with t-shirts and jeans and sneakers, on the exception of Yumichika who was wearing a jacket and an orange scarf.

They all sat nearby the fighting arcade machines. Most of them were old, but Izuru was into retro-gaming, classics were the best. For such a chaotic place, Izuru actually find it calming.

"Hey guys," a voice came from behind him. Izuru turned around to find Hisagi towering over him. The difference in height was immense. He stepped back to allow the newcomer to join them. Hisagi was wearing a black sleeveless hoodie, with a pentagram in the back. Black ripped jeans, and combat boots. He wore a spiked choker and the same spiked bracelets as before. As he passed by, Izuru could smell the mixture of a faint cologne with cigarettes. His heart beat faster.

They all tried different games, Street Fighter, Tekken, even old school MK. Then they all gathered around the classic House of the Dead.

"Ok, so this time, let's beat the fucking Magician. I'll start with Yumi, Renji covering me and Iba, Yumichika next, Hisagi covers Iba after and yoh, new kid, you'll play too?" Madarame asked.

"S-sure." Why was he stuttering. House of the Dead was fairly easy, he still had the game for his Sega Saturn inside a box in his closet. He was going to cover Abarai.

Yumichika grabbed one of the guns and straightened his arms like an angel of freaking Charlie. For some reason, this guy also made Izuru feel uncomfortable. Madarame was more normal, but he actually popped his neck to both sides getting ready. And they started… shooting everywhere, right, front, and first mistake made, Yumichika just shot a civilian.

"Fuck, Yumi!" Madarame yelled.

"I didn't see it."

They went through the underground instead of the Mansion's front door, but if it's harder it's funner, right?

Madarame was ok, but Yumi wasn't really good. He barely re-loaded and Izuru was pretty sure his eye was twitching with the re-re-re-loaded warning.

Still, something was off. The zombies were a bit stronger. As if reading his mind, Iba spoke, "The game is rigged, they changed the damage of the zombies, it's harder to kill them, and easier for us to die."

Oh, so that's why.

Yumichika died, and Iba took his place. Iba was by far better and they were able to reach the first boss.

The fought, and won, but Madarame died right before the last hit. "What? This is a lie! This fucking machine sucks!" he said kicking the arcade.

Abarai took his place and they were both better, although Abarai did take the life of two civilians. He needed a new life kit urgently. They reached the second boss, and won.

The third stage was just surreal, as Abarai died right in the beginning. He looked at the gun in his hand. "I think this is broken."

"I know, right?! Fuckin' kids broke the gun."

Izuru then stepped up, and inserted the coin to continue.

"Forget it, unless you want to go for another round, we aren't going to win." They started counting the pennies they had left.

Izuru shot instinctively, he knew the game by heart. The only difference is that it took the double of shots to defeat the zombies. Right, up, left. The slugs, the damn barrels. He was mostly focused on the left side of the screen and Iba on the right, although he could see Iba was almost dying.

"Holy shit, Kira, you're good at this." They all joined around the screen. Iba died and Hisagi took his place. For some reason, it threw Izuru off, and he missed one shot which made him lose one life, but he got back to the game quickly. Hisagi was good, he was focused and only shot the necessary rounds, not wasting any ammo. He knew the game.

The boss for the third stage was gone, and now they were entering the final one. Izuru shot right, left, everywhere he could. Hisagi was precise in every move. For a moment, Izuru even thought they were like the ultimate duo of House of the Dead, but clearly stopped thinking when they reached the Magician.

"Kill it! Avenge us!" Abarai said.

"Yeah!"

"Go Kira! Go Shuuhei," he could hear Matsumoto cheering.

The Magician was tough, but he was defeated after spamming every grenade, flame thrower and shotgun available. And the guys burst like they were 6 years old. Apparently, the delinquents didn't like certain video game bosses, and this was true happiness.

They were all shouting and even Hisagi smirked and said "Good job."

Izuru smiled back, he felt his hands trembling, so he hid them behind his back.

"T-thanks, you too."

They all went to the cafe area and ordered drinks. The round table fit all, but only the girls, himself and Abarai were in the couch. He was between Rukia and Iba.

"Man, you knew the game already, right?" Abarai asked him.

"I played it a thousand times," he replied playing with his cup.

"Are you into games? What do you play?"

"At the moment, I don't have a TV yet so I'm not playing anything, but I like fighting games, and shooters."

"We need to do a Lan party," Abarai suggested.

"Yeah, and spend 48 hours of non-stop MMO action?" Madarame asked.

"Why not? Last time we did we were in middle school."

"I think the problem is not having enough time," Iba stated. "I'm busy with my part-time, Abarai is busy getting laid," this resulted in a  _hey_  from Rukia, "Yumi and Ikkaku with their kendo lessons, and Hisagi with his music."

"Why don't we all have the same hobbies?" Abarai sighted defeated.

"True, why don't we all get laid?" Madarame asked.

"Speak for yourself, you're the only one without getting some," Yumichika remarked.

"Shut up!"

They talked more about their private life and Izuru started feeling insecure. He never even had a girlfriend, and they were all talking about sex. Did they all have sex?

Matsumoto turned to him, "What about you, Kira? Do you have a girlfriend?"

He froze. He was probably red right now.

"What about that cute girl in your Soulspace, are the two of you an item?"

"Oh no, that's Momo, she's my best friend, that's it." Why was he feeling so warm?

"Interesting."

"Matsumoto, you're creeping him out."

_Thank you, Abarai!_

Despite of the uncomfortable questions, Izuru really liked the time they spent together.

In that evening, he was added into their group chat.

_You joined Bankai, fuckers! Chat._

_Red Monkey: Kira!_

_Kira, not killer: Hello_

_Red Monkey: We're wondering if you know Time Crysis_

Izuru smirked.

_Ikkaku: of course he knows_

_Ikkaku: who doesn't?_

_Goro ate my homework: you, two years ago_

_Kujaku: lol_

_Ikkaku: very funny_

_Ikkaku: what's with the not killer?_

He frowned. He didn't get the question.

_Kujaku: It's a warning, he's not a serial killer._

_Ikkaku: why warning that?_

_Goro ate my homerwork: it's polite_

_Kazeshini: It's from Death Note_

Oh, they were talking about his nickname. Izuru clicked in everbody's name to understand who was who.

_Red Monkey: ah yeah_

_Red Monkey: the anime. They call him Kira cause he's a killer_

_Kujaku: No one watches anime anymore._

Ok, Izuru didn't like Yumichika for sure.

_Kazeshini: I do_

_Red Monkey: me 2_

_Goro ate my homework: every sunday morning_

He clicked to see who Kazeshini was. The person who was able to understand his name, and again his stomach twisted. Hisagi.

_Red Monkey: anyways, what do u say Time Crysis?_

_Kira, not killer: Sure :)_

_Red Monkey: cool, save your pocket money guys!_

_Kira, not killer: I have the game, and the gun controller for psx._

They planned to get together in the weekend to play videogames. This wasn't really the type of quiet and alone time, Izuru was expecting, but he was glad he was invited.

That night, he receive friend requests from Iba and Ikkaku.


	3. L'exorde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos! You're very sweet!
> 
> ...  
> L'exorde - Beyond Creation

Chapter 3 -  _ **L'exorde**_

Thursday and Friday ran by fast. Classes were similar as before, which helped Izuru create a routine. He always woke up a couple of minutes before his alarm clock, and always took his time getting ready and taking breakfast. Which made him wake up early Saturday as well with no intention.

In the past two days, he didn't meet with the others. Iba was right, they were all busy with their hobbies and lives. The problem was that he still had no TV, so his current source of entertainment was his ROG laptop and his books.

Today though was different. He went to Abarai's house, with his old console and controller in his bag pack. The guys decided to play video games all afternoon. No girls, just dudes having a nice time together, killing criminals in Time Crysis.

His friend's room was tidier than the last time he was there. The bed was made, and the floor was cleaned. He was the first one to arrive and started to set up the console.

"I can't believe you collect these," Abarai said grabbing some of the games. "They are worth a lot in Ebay."

Izuru kept all of these games as memories. He could remember his life exactly when he played a game. He remembered what is doing, with who, where, the first time he played them. They were precious to him.

A bike's thunder-like sound came from outside.

"Must be Hisagi."

The brunet arrived a few minutes later. He threw his jacket and bag to the nearby chair. He said a quick hello, and then flicked through his phone, sitting in the bed.

"I can't stay until late today," he said.

Abarai rose an eyebrow. "A girl?"

"You wished," Hisagi muttered without looking up. He was typing fast.

Izuru continued setting up the controllers, on the floor. His glorious gun controller was still working as he tested a few shots.

For some reason he didn't like this girl talk. Why were they always talking about girls? Although, this was the first time he ever heard Hisagi talk about girls. Last time at the Arcade, Yumichika mentioned that only Ikkaku wasn't getting  _laid_. Did that mean that they all had sex? Probably yes... His heart bumped harder. This was happening a lot lately. Why was he so nervous about these things? Sure he was a teenage boy who never had a girlfriend, but that was normal right? In his previous school, many boys were in a familiar situation.

He looked at his Hisagi through the corner of his eye. Did Hisagi sleep with someone too?

Shoot, why was he so self-conscious with Hisagi? Was it because Hisagi was so different from him? Almost as if he was a thousand miles away? Izuru felt like a sinking boat, and if he moved too much, it would be the death of him. Hisagi was a giant tidal wave, about to drown him.

Abarai left the room leaving the two of them alone. There was an awkward silence. Izuru pretended to go through the console options. Should he say something? Break the ice? But say what?

Hisagi threw his phone to the bed annoyed. Izuru then, sensed Hisagi sliding to the floor next to him.

"Can I watch your gun?"

Izuru turned his head and couldn't even reply. He only nodded and gave the controller. Hisagi was so close, Hisagi's crossed knees touching his side.  _He was so close._  Izuru gnawed his bottom lip nervously.

"So cool," Hisagi said lightly smiling. "I remember this when I was younger."

Izuru looked up, and couldn't help but stare at Hisagi's mouth when he spoke, he had straight teeth and thin lips. He was chewing gum, and it smelled like peppermint. He looked up to Hisagi's eyes, who was looking back at him.

It lasted 2 seconds before Abarai returned. Izuru looked away, feeling himself getting warmer and warmer. Hisagi probably thought he was insane glaring like that.

They stayed there on the floor until the others arrived. This time, only Madarame and Iba were there, which Izuru was grateful, he couldn't help but not liking that Yumichika guy. He was nosy and always glaring and complaining…  _Don't judge, don't judge..._

They played by turns, since there was only one gun. And for that, they had to move around. After a couple of hours, Abarai laid on the floor, Iba sat next to him, while Madarame played. Izuru sat in the end of the bed, and Hisagi was half-lying in it also watching. Or so he thought, from time to time Izuru glanced to his side, and Hisagi was looking at him.

Later, he went home for dinner and to meet his uncle. It was Rose's concert and he couldn't help but being anxious. This was the first time he was attending a rock concert.

On their way to the bar where the concert was happening, they stopped to get the other guitarist of the band, Love. Izuru sat in the back of the car listening to their conversation as they drove. He didn't realize that Love was talking about him.

"He's 16," Rose replied. "As long as he doesn't drink alcohol he can be there. I got him a band Staff ID."

"That's what Kensei does with his kid."

"Yeah, he was the one who gave it to me."

"Smart." Love looked back. "Have you ever listen to the Vizard?

Izuru could only nod negatively. He was ashamed that he didn't listen to his uncle's band yet.

"Well, then prepare to the sound that will blow your mind."

Rose laughed at his friend's words. "That's an overstatement."

"You mean understatement? Kid, have you listen to Rose playing? He is the fucking guitar god."

Izuru looked at Rose, who smiled at him through the rear-view mirror. Now he truly felt bad about never hearing his uncle play at all.

They arrived at the bar that was still closed. Making sure he wore the lanyard with the staff identification he followed them.

A couple band members were already there. The bassist Lisa and the lead-singer Shinji. After presenting Izuru to all of them, Rose asked where their drummer was.

"He's on his way. Shinji, Hyori is trying to call you but says your cell is off," Lisa said while checking her phone.

"Ah, damm," Shinji rolled his eyes and left.

Izuru waited, as they set up the instruments, in one of the side tables next to the stage. Some people starting showing up. Background pop-rock music played.

He waited patiently and then noticed that the drummer finally arrived. He was a tall, broad-shoulder white-haired man. He saw Rose pointing at him, and talking with the newcomer.

They were finishing testing the equipment, and then the bar officially opened. Izuru  _officially_  met Kensei, the drummer and his friend Kuna. Kensei was intimidating, but respectful.

The bar was filled with people, and as Kuna started going to the stage a wave of applause echoed through the building.

Izuru jumped when he noticed someone sitting next to him, and he felt like he was going to faint because he stopped breathing.

It was Hisagi.

And he was speaking to him…

"Hello."

_Say something!_

"H-hello!"

_Damn, you stuttered!_

"What are you doing here?" Hisagi asked. They were the only two people sitting at the table, but for a moment Izuru felt they were the only two people in the bar.

"Ergh… M-my uncle is playing so I came to see..." his voice trailed down as he stared at Hisagi. The brunet looked exactly the same as he did in the afternoon, except he was also wearing the Staff badge lanyard around his neck.

"Your uncle?" he frowned. "Who's your uncle?"

"Oh, the lead guitar player."

"Rose?"

Now Izuru was surprised.

"Y-yes. Do y-you know him?"

"My fa… I live with Kensei. They're friends. I know Rose all my life."

Hisagi looked back at the stage, and so did Izuru.

From all the possible things that could happen this night, he wasn't expecting this. His hand shook.

Kuna grabbed the mic, and started introducing the band.

They started playing, and he was surprised the band was heavier than he thought, but still groovy to make people at the bar dance. Shinji's voice was melancholic and reminded him of jazz singers.

He looked at his side to Hisagi who was slowly nodding his head to the song; his fingertips tapping the table. Hisagi knew the song.

Actually, around the bar, some people sang along Shinji. The Vizard were popular.

It was a strange feeling. The rhythm plus the dense atmosphere were so intense. For some reason, Izuru started feeling overwhelmed inside him. The song was beautiful and it gave him goosebumps. He hid his bare arm with his hand, and he chewed his own lip. The song calmed down and then he heard Hisagi on his side. "Here it goes." Rose started a guitar solo that was out of this world. Love was right, it was god-like.

Izuru never realized there was music like this.

They listened to a few more songs, and then Hisagi got them drinks.

"They wrote this song in one night in our living room." Hisagi told him. He knew everything about the band. Little by little, he was making Izuru more comfortable with the talk.

"Do you also play?" Izuru asked curious.

"I play guitar, but I'm not nearly as good as Rose," he replied looking down.

"I would like to hear you play," Izuru was astonished with his own words. "I mean... if you want of course. Do you have a band?" he changed the subject.

"Yeah, actually two. One is black metal, the other is grunge."

Izuru was ignorant about these types of music. "You mean, like them?" he asked pointing at the Vizard.

"No. They're different. They play a mix of several genres. Shinji and Lisa have the Jazz influence, Rose and Love, the Heavy Metal, and Kensei, although he tries really hard not to, you can feel the punk vibe."

This was new.

"What kind of music do you listen?"

Izuru blushed, "well… I don't really listen to music. Maybe the radio once in a while. I do have..." he shut up before saying to much.

"You have what?" Hisagi asked.

"Nothing, you will think it's silly."

"I also have some guilty pleasures, tell me, I won't laugh."

Hisagi was staring at him.

"I have some video game soundtracks in my phone."

"That's cool. Which ones?" Izuru felt warm inside, Hisagi wasn't really laughing, he was actually interested.

Izuru shared some of the tracks he listened the most. The Vizard continued their concert, and for the first time in the past moments, since his parents passed away, he was having a great time.

"What? You never heard of Technical Black Metal?" Hisagi was incredulous.

"No, I think today is actually the first time I'm listening to something so heavy."

"This is definitely not heavy. Let's the do the following," Hisagi licked his lips thinking before speaking. "I'm going to text you some bands that you absolutely need to hear. I'm going to show you real music."

"That would be great," Izuru said. Hisagi smirked in a way that made him charming; he was a good-looking guy. It reminded Izuru of the photo where he was smiling. He looked away to the band on stage.

Was this normal? Finding people good looking or pretty was normal… Yes, it was. There was no meaning behind it. There was no reason to have second thoughts about… well, thoughts. Izuru spent so many years with stupid people as company he forgot that it was okay to think whatever he wanted to think. Even if it was towards another boy.

After the concert, the band joined them for a while, and eventually they all went to Rose and Izuru's house.

He was so tired, but everyone else was full of life. They sat in the living room, the adults drinking beer.

"So you are in the same class?" Kuna asked drinking from her bottle.

The woman was asked them a lot of questions, paying particular attention to Izuru. He understood that he was new and they wanted to meet him, but he couldn't help but not liking talking about him.

"That's nice. You can take care of him and make sure he doesn't get in trouble."

"You don't have to worry about that," Hisagi replied leaning against the couch closing his eyes. "He's Renji's childhood friend, no one will bother him."

"Actually, I was talking to Kira-kun about you." Hisagi rolled his eyes and Kuna continued talking with Izuru, "See, Shuuhei here thinks he is a grown up, likes to drink and smoke thinking nobody knows. I understand that, I know what it is like to be a teenager, but when your legal guardian is a cop, maybe that's just a stupid idea."

Legal guardian? Izuru frowned. Hisagi grunted.

"I don't do that anymore."

He was lying and Izuru was trying his best not do give away that. He just smoked an hour ago at the entrance of the bar.

"Uh uh, also no more fighting right?" Kuna asked smirking. "I'm not scolding you, I just don't want you to get hurt again. Since the accident, Kensei is trying his best to-"

Hisagi got up. "I don't want to talk about it. Hey, let's go to your room."

Izuru looked at Kuna, who sighed in defeat, and then nodded to Hisagi. He just felt he was in the middle of something he wasn't suppose to.

Hisagi was not pleased.

They got into the room, and Hisagi shut it down hard. He was definitely upset. Izuru sat down in his chair and watched the brunet.

Hisagi took a look around, his eyes laying on the moving box filled with games that Izuru still had to unbox, and the shelf that Izuru was still organizing with the game cases.

"You do like videogames." It wasn't a question, but Izuru still replied.

"Yes." Then Hisagi looked through his books, and for a second he was ashamed. He had many poetry and haiku books. Hisagi grabbed one of them and spoke. "I read this around 20 times."

"You like haiku?" Izuru was in pure shock, this was the first time he met someone who also enjoyed that book.

Hisagi smiled in response. He didn't look mad anymore.

He sat on the bed, and looked at his pc.

"Can I?" he said grabbing his ROG. "Let me show you something."

They spent a few hours watching music videos of bands. Izuru never knew Hisagi could be so chatty, and he never knew he would enjoy spending time with someone so different.

His mother was right, he shouldn't judge.

**0000000000**

Izuru was excited for the next Monday. It had been a week since he was in this new town and he was eager for school. After that night he didn't spoke with Hisagi, but spent the whole weekend listening to his music recommendations. The guitars, the growls, the drums...

He was diving into a new world that he never knew it existed.

He met with Abarai and others at the main entrance. Hisagi was not there, and it was somehow disappointing.

"I'm telling you, we should let it go. This is not Grimmjow's crew we're talking about," Abarai spoke.

Madarame crossed his arms looking around. "I don't give a fuck. They are all the same. If I see that guy again, I'm going to kill him."

"Who?" a voice replied, and Izuru's heart jumped from his rib cage. He hoped the others couldn't see it. Hisagi was with his leather jacket as always on top of his uniform, holding his black helmet.

"Poww," Yumichika replied. "He showed up with that ugly-ass bitch Charlotte at the dojo yesterday."

"Just because Kenpachi wasn't there. They are fucking cowards."

Hisagi looked around, and for a second his eyes met Izuru but he ignored him. The excitement was not that exciting anymore. He ignored him…

"Did you fight?"

"No, but they talked some bullshit," the bald replied.

"I don't get it, why they don't mind their own business?" Yumichika asked.

"You're always insulting Charlotte, that's the problem," Abarai said. "We already had problems in the past and it took the cops to take care of it."

"Oh right," Madarame said remembering, "Hisagi, you fought Findorr, right?"

"Don't get me involved in this," Hisagi replied going inside the school.

"Geez, he became such a pussy."

Abarai intervened, "Give him a break, the thing with Findorr was messed up. Kensei went crazy on him."

"What happened?" Izuru asked. He didn't know who this Findorr character was, but he wanted to know more what happened to Hisagi.

"These guys are part of a gang in the west side of the city, some of them are from Las Noches High, which by the way it's a place you should never go." Abarai checked his phone and nodded towards the school. "Let's go or we'll be late. Poww won't get up early to come after you dude."

Madarame followed them to the school building.

"Hisagi had problems with one of the guys there, Findorr. He was lucky, because he has connections there, but they still fought and it was bad, he sent Findorr to the hospital."

He gulped. Hisagi could hurt someone like that? He was nice to Izuru, so he would never guess it.

They went to history class, and Hisagi was already sitting in his desk on his phone. Abarai was the first one to speak.

"Hisagi, Madarame didn't mean anything by that."

"Don't defend them." Hisagi said, not looking up. "Those two always want to fight, and get violent." He continued typing.

"True, but they weren't asking you to join them or anything."

Izuru sat down and prepared his notebook, the blue light of his phone blinked inside his bag. He had one text message. He unlocked his phone and saw it was from Hisagi. His fingers were trembling, and he opened the message. It was sent 2 minutes ago.

_Kazeshini: Hi, I was wondering if you want to meet after school._

The bell rang, and Kyoraku-sensei arrived.

Izuru took his phone out of his bagpack and hid it between his legs.

_Kira, not killer: Hi, yes we can meet._

He was happy, but didn't want to seem too eager.

He stared at his phone, reading the  _Kazeshini is typing…_

_Kazeshini: Cool, don't tell the others, or they'll come along._

The classes went by painfully slow, and Izuru kept thinking about the afternoon. Hisagi wanted o be with him, just the two of them.

They didn't speak all day as normal, except when Hisagi texted again telling Izuru to meet him outside the side entrance of the school after class.

The day eventually ended, and Izuru did as agreed. He left fast to go to his locker and grab his homework.

"Kira, do you want to go somewhere?" Abarai showed up alone.

"Uh… well, I actually have plans..." was this too obvious?

"Oh, no problem. We can meet tomorrow, what about that? After school."

"Sure." It was a promise. Abarai was a great friend accepting him and making him feel comfortable among his friends, he was going to do his best to thank him for that.

Izuru left the school and went to the side entrance as planned. Hisagi was already there, smoking leaning against his motorcycle. He was bold, although, the side entrance was closed and there was no security there, smoking near the school without any fear of being caught was a gutsy move.

The blond was nervous, and couldn't help but shake. Hisagi was so cool, and he felt so out of place next to him.

"Hey," he exhaled the smoke. Izuru replied back. "Hey"

"Any place you want to go?" the brunet asked.

Izuru shrugged, he wasn't sure what to say. This was so odd. Last time, he felt so confortable with Hisagi and now he was so shy…

Hisagi moved to the box in the end of the bike and took out another helmet, it was also black but with red flames. He gave it to Izuru who took it speechless. Was he going to ride the motorcycle with Hisagi?

"I know a nice place to go. Put that on." Hisagi put his own helmet on, and then helped Izuru with his own. "Have you ever rode one of these before?" Hisagi asked.

"No."

He followed the brunet, who put his shoulder bag in the box and then sat in the Kawasaki. "Jump in, and grab onto me."

He did so, and was glad that was wearing a helmet, because he was pretty sure he was blushing bright red. The close proximity and the fact he had his arms around Hisagi's waist, was enough to bring him into a state that he was not sure how to properly handle it.

Looking at the skull in the back of Hisagi's helmet, he tightened his grip around the brunet's wait.

The motorcycle started, and Izuru held on with his life. They parted away to whatever place Hisagi was taking him.

He was terrified, but not because of the ride or how fast Hisagi was going. He was terrified of the speed of his heartbeat and the strange feelings within.

 


	4. Constant Montion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! You are too kind! :)
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry for the late update, blame Diablo 3 and my job for he lack of time.
> 
> .....  
> Constant Motion - Dream Theater

Chapter 4 –  _ **Constant Motion**_

The ride was exhilarating. Hisagi wasn't too fast, but Izuru held him with all his grip.

The roads weren't familiar, and he was sure he was lost if Hisagi left him. It took them 20 minutes to reach their destination.

They stopped in a side road nearby a forest. Hisagi got out of the bike and Izuru mimicked him. The brunet took out his bag from the box, and locked it. Izuru nervously looked around. This was such an isolated spot. He wondered why Hisagi brought him here.

"Don't tell the others about this place, ok?"

Izuru nodded in return, and followed Hisagi as he walked towards the woods.

The weather was warm, and the shadow of the trees provided a perfect cover.

Hisagi was so strange… Sure, he had seen forests, and even had camping trips at school, but this was not the typical place to go. The forest was empty and raw. There were all sort of plants, and bushes and big pine trees. He asked himself if there were animals too…

They stopped after after several minutes of walking in a small opened area. Hisagi put down his bag and faced him.

"What do you think?" the brunet asked. Izuru looked around and smiled.

"It's beautiful."

It was. Simple and natural. Hisagi smirked at the response.

He adjusted his bag against the tree, and sat leaning against it. Izuru did the same with his own bag and sat next to him on his right side.

"Do you come here often?" he tried to understand. He really wanted to know Hisagi.

"Sometimes."

The brunet searched for his cigarettes in his pocket and lit one, inhaling slowly. He puffed the smoke, tilting his head up. Izuru couldn't help but stare at the brunet's lips. He only noticed now that Hisagi had a little hole on the bottom right of his lip. Like he had a lip ring before.

Hisagi raised an eyebrow, "Want one?" he offered his smokes, and Izuru denied.

"N-no, I don't smoke."

"You're right not to. These things are bad."

Really? Then…

"… why do you smoke?"

"Because it helps me relax," he replied bluntly. "and I'm addicted."

They stayed there in silent for a while until Hisagi pulled his earphones and music player. He offered one of the earplugs to Izuru and secured the other in his own ear.

"This is Dream Theater. This is the type of music that may make you feel depressed, but once in a while it puts you in a nice mood."

"Why do you hear music that makes you feel depressed?"

"Listen to the guitar and you'll understand why."

They continued the afternoon listening to music, and talking about different bands and genres. Hisagi continued smoking from time to time, his jacket on his side, and tie loosed. Izuru had also taken his cardigan as it was hot.

He enjoyed this place. And he enjoyed Hisagi's soothing voice. He liked their conversations, and how much Hisagi talked about music specially when he enjoyed a particular band or song.

The sun was getting lower, another hour and it would be sunset. The orange sky was almost blinding. He noticed Hisagi reaching his cellphone. Since the first time he met Hisagi, this was the second time he saw him without his phone for so long. The first time was the night of the concert.

Izuru was even more surprised when Hisagi asked to take a photo.

"Don't move." He moved the phone close to his face, super close in fact. "Don't look to the camera, look at me."

Izuru did, and his heart couldn't handle it anymore. He hoped that Hisagi couldn't sense how nervous he was.

The picture was taken and Hisagi showed him. It was a picture of his eyes, the way the sun shone, made the blue stand out like the sky.

"Can I use it for my portfolio?"

"Sure." Really, he wanted to use a photo of his eyes? He had no words for this.

"I wish I brought my camera, it would be even better."

"You like photography, right?" Izuru asked remembering Abarai talking about it.

"Yeah, it's a hobby of mine." He locked his phone and laid it on his jacket. "What about you? What do you like besides games and haiku?"

He wasn't expecting that Hisagi was going to ask questions about him.

"I like to write," he replied. "I want to be a writer." he admitted.

Hisagi leaned his head and watched him.

"What do you write?"

They were stopped by Hisagi's phone ringing. He sighed and took it, his forehead frowned when he saw the caller.

"Hey Kensei," he looked at Izuru and smiled slightly. "I'm going in a bit, yeah… ok, bye." His smile faded away during the conversation.

They left not longer after. The talk on the phone with Kensei made Hisagi silent, and Izuru didn't want to push it.

The ride back was faster, and Hisagi took him home. He left the motorcycle and gave back the helmet.

"Thank you for the ride," Izuru said hoping he didn't look as timid as he felt.

"No problem. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

He saw Hisagi leaving.

**0000000000**

That night, Izuru finally had the chance to speak with Momo through videochat.

"I'm sorry, we had no internet connection!" Momo said with her hands joined together in an apologetic gesture.

"How was track camp?"

"Oh you know, the same old same. We practice with the seniors so it was fun."

Izuru missed Momo. It was a boomer, she was 4 hours away.

"What about you? How is the new school?"

Izuru told her about how the school was behind in classes, how Abarai was, about everyone of the group and…

"I also made a friend I think…" he said looking down. He could feel Momo's gaze upon him through the camera.

"A friend, uh? Or do you mean potential girlfriend?" she asked interested.

This caught Izuru off-guard. Girlfriend? Hisagi was definitely not a girl, but now he didn't know how to reply back, because Izuru might have realized something he wished he didn't.

"I mean a friend," he replied back. Momo was smirking.

"Sure, sure. And it is making your all worked out. Oh my god, you are red!" she laughed.  _Damn you, Momo._

"No... It's not like that. We just… spoke a couple of times." It was true. It was only a few times, and they were together alone  _only_  two times. Heck, they knew each other for a week. There was no way he had feelings for him.

"Ok, but that's great! I'm so happy that you are doing well."

"Please, don't comment with Abarai about this, he's not very subtle," he had to beg Momo, or Abarai would destroy whatever was going on with Hisagi.

"Of course, I won't say anything, but tell me," she spoke lower towards the laptop. "Do you like her?"

That was the problem here. He was so confused.

"I don't know. I don't think I do. It's just… I like when we are together, it's fun and..." his voice faded away. He couldn't like Hisagi, he was a boy, and Izuru was not gay, at least he never thought he was. In the past he fancied one girl or another, but he was never in love in his life. He had no idea if this was love, or even what love was.

"Well, then just enjoy it. There's no need to quantify things!"

"You are the one who brought the girlfriend topic."

"Now, it's my fault! Anyways, is she pretty?"

Izuru was lurking at the same time, a page he barely closed since the concert. Hisagi's photo gallery in Soulspace. Pretty wasn't the correct word. Handsome, yes, charming? Even more. Hot? Oh god, he shouldn't think these things.

"Yes."

"I want to see her! Send me a photo!"

"N-no, Momo. I won't sen-" he stopped talking as he looked speechless at his screen.

"What is it?"

Izuru's throat dried as he watched the new photo uploaded in Hisagi's profile. The picture Hisagi took of his eyes in the afternoon, with the caption  _'Blue Monday'_.

**0000000000**

Izuru woke up after snoozing the alarm for the second time. He wasn't able to sleep until dawn, and then when he did, a couple of hours later the alarm rang.

The thought of Hisagi didn't leave his mind. Why did he upload the picture? He did ask if he could use in his portfolio, but Izuru wasn't expecting this.

He arrived at school, just a few minutes before the ring. Abarai was there, but Hisagi wasn't.

He arrived late.

The morning passed slowly and Hisagi had no interaction with him during classes, or break. During lunch hour, they all reunited on the rooftop and Abarai spent the whole hour talking about a big soccer match that it was going to happen during the weekend.

Izuru didn't listen to anything. All the sound around him was like static. He couldn't help but think about what Momo said.

Girlfriend…

Hisagi was napping lying on the floor, his bag working as a pillow. His sunglasses on, hiding his deep eyes from the sun, and his signature earphones on. Although, every lunch hour was the same, Izuru kept looking.

He was sure his feelings weren't the typical ones. This was not friendship. He didn't feel like this towards Abarai or his senpai from his previous school. He didn't have feelings for Madarame or Yumichika, or at least positive feelings. He kind of didn't like Yumichika, and that was a feeling.

This  _thing_  with Hisagi was different. Maybe admiration or maybe it was because Hisagi was so cool. His way of dressing, his rebellious look and attitude. Not caring for rules such as arriving late or smoking outside school.

And let's not forget that he was really nice to Izuru, showing him music and trying to befriend him.

No one else tried. Well, that was a lie. Matsumoto did. And Matsumoto was gorgeous girl.

_There's no need to quantify things._

It was admiration. It had to be. So, Izuru had to stop thinking about it.

**0000000000**

Abarai took him to the shopping mall in the afternoon. Izuru wanted to purchase a music player similar to Hisagi's so he could listen to all of these new bands.

It was just the two of them and he was glad. Abarai helping him with the model, and after the purchase they went to the food court.

"You're gonna love it, these are the best smoothies." they sat and Abarai handed him a strawberry one, while he drank a vanilla one.

They spoke about classes, and video games, and then Abarai just ranted about Rukia.

"And it's not like she doesn't know why I do the things I do. I mean, we know each other since kids, she should know I'm not going to change because she wants me to." He continued talking, and Izuru just kept listening. "I swear, sometimes I wonder if she just wants me to turn up like her stupid-ass brother. Who in the fucking world, compares their boyfriend with their brother?"

"Uh… Yeah..." he honestly didn't know what to say. Honestly, it seemed like Rukia didn't like how Abarai was.

"I don't understand girls. You do something, they don't like, you don't do anything, they still don't like..."

Izuru kept sipping from his smoothie, it was indeed a good one. Girls weren't complicated. People in general were.

Liking someone should be about enjoying their presence, being happy with them, laughing with them, crying with them. Izuru's eyes turned to a couple in the next table, who were kissing like there was no tomorrow.  _Kissing them._

Izuru gulped. Did he wanted to kiss Hisagi?

He sighed afraid of his own question, and Abarai just stared at the couple next to them defeated.

"Honeymoon phase… the best part of the relationship, when there are no worries. Just wild, carefree hormones and pheromones taking their course..."

Izuru laughed.

"You sound like an old man, Abarai-kun."

"Kira, have you ever been in love?"

The question was straight forward, and so was suppose to be the answer.

"No."

"Then, don't call me an old man! Love makes you paranoid, and behave in ways you never thought you would."

"Do you love Kuchiki-san?" Izuru asked. He wanted to know about love.

There was silence for a couple of second and then Abarai smirked. "Of course, I do."

Izuru didn't say anything about the hesitation, and neither did Abarai. Something was seriously wrong with that relationship, and Izuru didn't want to be part of it.

He arrived home early. He did his homework, and loaded all the musics he wanted to his player.

Hisagi didn't say anything to him, and he didn't want to think about it.

He went to bed early, with the lights off. Using his earphones, he listened to music until late.

**0000000000**

Wednesday after school, he had once again counseling with Ukitake-sensei. This time, Ukitake decided to create with him a career plan, to focus on the future and  _the bright future ahead of him._

They didn't spoke about the death of his parents or the accident. Just school information. Ukitake gave him a task. To share one of his writing works until the end of their counseling meetings. That meant in 3 weeks.

He wasn't sure about this. He was a bit ashamed of his writing, but he wasn't able to say no to Ukitake.

He went home, and spent the whole afternoon working with his school assignments and listen to more music.

Izuru realized that he enjoyed metal music, and he truly asked himself how on this earth he never heard these before.

The next two days, passed by quickly, and Izuru started to think if he had done something wrong. Hisagi acted like he didn't exist.

This whole situation was making him unhappy. He isolated himself with his his player, and even when he spent time at the rooftop with the others, he was in on his own. Stealing glances from Hisagi and biting his lip in sorrow until they bled.

Hisagi sat up, waking from his lunch-time nap, and Izuru looked down at his phone. He was texting Momo about his situation.

_Peaches: Go talk with her_

_Peaches: Maybe she's waiting for you to make a move_

Of course, that Momo still thought it was a girl.

_Kira, not killer: It's not that easy…_

_Peaches: It is, if you want it to be_

_Kira, not killer: And how do I do that?!_

_Peaches: Ask her out._

_Peaches: Ask if she wants to hang out in the afternoon._

Izuru thought about it. Maybe he could do it. He looked at Hisagi, who was on his phone. Maybe he could send a text message.

_Kira, not killer: Hey… I was wondering if you want to meet in the afternoon after school._

He re-read the text a few times the text before clicking send.

Oh god, he did it… where will they go? He didn't think about it. He look up to Hisagi who was on his phone scrolling up and down. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at him. They shared a glance, and then Hisagi started typing.

Izuru's phone vibrated but it was Momo. He ignored her texts, while he waited for Hisagi's reply. His heart beat madly and then the answer finally appeared.

_Kazeshini: Hey. I'm sorry today I can't._

His heart sunk. He tried really hard so it didn't show in his face, but he was disappointed. It became harder to breathe.

He started typing back, but another reply came.

_Kazeshini: I have to work at 4_

_Kira, not killer: It's OK._

_Kira, not killer: I didn't know you worked._

Hisagi took some time to explain, but Izuru still waited patiently.

_Kazeshini: I do, from time to time. I'm a freelance photographer. I do wedding shoots, birthdays, anniversaries, that sort of thing_

_Kazeshini: Today, it's a family reunion._

Despite of the disappointment, Izuru was still glad there was an actual reason why he denied.

_Kira, not killer: Wow, really? That's a nice job._

_Kazeshini: The best :)_

_Kazeshini: Tho, today it's a family of 89 people. A lot of photos._

Izuru smiled, and looked up again. Hisagi was staring at him.

_Kira, not killer: Good work then!_

_Kazeshini: Let's meet tomorrow._

_Kazeshini: If you can ofc_

Be with Hisagi, on a Saturday? Of course he could!

_Kira, not killer: Yes, I can._

_Kazeshini: Great, let's meet after lunch._

_Kazeshini: At your place?_

_Kira, not killer: Deal :)_

He looked up again and Hisagi slightly smiled. Izuru smiled back.

**0000000000**

Izuru spent Saturday morning nervous, and awkwardly trying different clothing. He ended up dressing his blue Levi's and the only black shirt he owned, his Doom shirt. He hoped Hisagi wouldn't find him weird, for dressing with dark colors, but he didn't want to look out of place next to him.

He paced around the room, not sure what to do with himself. He had no idea where they would go and had no plans. Hisagi texted informing he arrived and Izuru looked at himself one last time on the mirror before leaving.

Rose was reading a book at the living room's sofa. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Izuru.

"Going out?"

"Uh… Yes, Hisagi-san is here, and I… I'll be back before dinner," Izuru said. He didn't consider asking Rose if he could go out.

His uncle smiled. "No problem, if you need me to pick you up just call. Have fun!"

Izuru smiled and put his all star converse on.

**0000000000**

Hisagi smelled good.

A strong but soft fragrance that for some reason made Izuru light-headed. His arms were around the brunet as they rode to another destination that only Hisagi knew.

The brunet looked as great as ever: Black sweat-shirt, knee-ripped black jeans, and Rockstar combat boots. And the smell…

Izuru closed his eyes. Was he really falling for him?

They went through the highway and then reached the coast. Izuru could see the beach.  _Hisagi brought him to the beach._

There were a few people there walking and visiting the beach. It was still hot, but no one in sight was wearing any bathing suites. People, couples, friends, they all had the same idea as Hisagi.

They parked the bike and walked towards the ocean.

"It's been a while since I visited the beach," Izuru spoke. Last time, he was on vacation with his parents, around 2 years ago and they went to a resort. He remembered his father took him fishing. Although he hated to fish, now he regretted no doing more often with his father.

"I come here all the time. Except the middle the summer, I don't like when it's full of people." Hisagi had his sunglasses on, Izuru wished he had as well, the sun was blinding.

They settled in the dunes between the bay and the dunes. Hisagi was considerate to bring a mantle where they could sit on, if only Izuru knew he would have brought as well.

"How was the photo shoot?" Izuru tried as much as to sound normal. He didn't want to let his unsure feelings take over him. Hisagi would be so disgusted, and probably run away.

"Tiring. A lot of kids, and drunk parents," Hisagi leaned back as he spoke. "It took 45 minutes for them to settle down to take a family portrait."

"It is a big family."

"Yeah, and the pay was good so I can't complain." Hisagi looked towards the ocean, and so did Izuru. A big family, that was something he wasn't used to.

"I don't know what it feels like to have a big family. When I was little, I wanted to have a brother or a sister. It was always just my parents and I. Now… it's just Rose and I." he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. Hisagi was silent listening. "It's not that I wasn't happy with my parents, because I was. I am." Izuru bit the inner side of his cheek, and then continued. "I just never expected that this would happen to me. I took them for granted."

Hisagi looked at him. Izuru couldn't see his eyes because of the sunglasses, but he looked back at him. Izuru held his knees tight against his chest.

"We always take people for granted. That's a human condition. We stop doing it when we lose someone."

Izuru's heart clenched. Hisagi's voice was low and dark.

"The only thing you can do is appreciate the ones around you, and spend as much time as possible with them."

Izuru smiled. "You're right."

He had Rose, he had Momo, Abarai, Ichimaru-senpai, Matsumoto and… Hisagi.

"Do you have any siblings, Hisagi-san?" he asked.

The brunet looked back at the ocean.

"No, just me and Kensei."

"Is he your father?" For a moment, Izuru regretted his question, when Hisagi tensed.

"You can say that. He took me in when I was younger. We're not blood relatives, but he is the closest person to a father," Hisagi said. "He's a great guy, but too much of a controller."

"Why does he control you?" Izuru never understood it. His parents never controlled him.

"I was a stupid brat, I did a lot of stupid shit."

Izuru didn't want to pry, but he wanted to know more. So he just blurted out, "Like tattooing your face?"

And Hisagi laughed. Genuinely laughed, and it melted Izuru's heart.

"Yeah, that was definitely one of them."

"Why the… you know… the 69?" Izuru blushed saying it. He cringed, as the sun hit his eyes.

"It's not what you think."

Hisagi sat straight and faced him. He took off his glasses and gently put them in Izuru's face, protecting the blue eyes from the evil sun.

"Like I told you I was a stupid kid, I did some nasty stuff. Kensei saved me from a rough life that could've put me in jail or kill me." Izuru was sure that he was beyond red. Hisagi just gave him his sunglasses, and he was talking so close…

"I was so grateful he took me in, that I wanted to show him that. So when I was 14, I made the same tattoo he has on his chest in my face."

Kensei had a 69 in his chest?

"As you can imagine he wasn't happy about it. I was grounded for almost a year."

Izuru smirked. "Wow, I was not expecting that." There was actually a noble reason behind it.

"No one does."

Hisagi looked at him. "Now, every time I get a piercing or some sort of body modification, he goes berserk."

"What piercings did you have?"

"Many places, lip, nose, eyebrow, ears."

The only ones Izuru could see where a couple in his left ear.

"He made me took them off, but I still have a hidden one."

"Where?"

Hisagi smirked. "It's hidden. Maybe one day I'll show you."

And Izuru didn't know what to say. He was glad he was wearing sunglasses, because his expression was probably insane. Where was that piercing?!

They spent the afternoon knowing each other better. Izuru found out that Hisagi liked to cook, wanted to be a photo journalist and that he had extreme cases of insomnia. That was why he was so sleepy during the day.

They walked on the beach, Izuru even adventured and wet his feet in the cold ocean. They had fun together and finished the day laying on the blanket listening the shuffled songs in Hisagi's player.

"I like this song." Izuru said with his eyes closed. He realized the heavier the beat the more he enjoyed. "I don't like the quiet ones, they make me sad."

"Me too. I don't like the sad ones."

Izuru wished the afternoon never ended.

Eventually, they had to leave. Izuru promised Rose, he was going to arrive in time for dinner and didn't want to disappoint his uncle.

Hisagi took him home, and Izuru invited him in.

"I can't. Kensei is waiting. Thanks, anyway."

They were quiet for a while, Izuru not sure what to say.

"Well, see ya," Hisagi said.

"Bye."

Hisagi put his helmet on and slowly rode off.

Izuru was so confused. He couldn't be in love, he couldn't. He wasn't gay. And Hisagi certainly wasn't as well. He was just a really cool friend.

He wasn't used to have male friends. In his past school, everyone was shallow and hollow and Hisagi was the exact opposite. He was himself, with an identity, with his own feelings and likes and dislikes.

Izuru wanted to be like him.

After having dinner with Rose he went to his room.

As he browsed in his computer for something to watch, his phone rang.

_Kazeshini: I really liked the afternoon._

His breath was caught in his throat. His hand shook as he typed back.

_Kira, not killer: Me too_

_Kazeshini: Let's do it again soon._

_Kira, not killer: Yes_

Yes! He wanted, he wanted again and again. Izuru laid down, smiling.

**0000000000**

Izuru gasped in the dark metro station. He could see Abarai far away, along with Madarame and others he couldn't recognize. The warm in his neck was sending electric waves to his shoulder and stomach. He moaned.

The tongue licked from his neck to his cheek, a hand traveled from the small of his back to his leg, pulling him closer.

He was afraid of being seen, but at the same time he couldn't care less. Not when the hand traveled to the front, to his inner thigh.

"Please," he asked.

Lips kissed his cheek and then his mouth and the moment he felt the tongue swirling his, at the same time, the hand moved to his groin.

"Like this?" Izuru whimpered and opened his eyes, Hisagi licked his own lips, and then kissed him again. Izuru hugged him pulling him closer, and the more he did, Hisagi added more pressure between his legs.

The metro was coming, but they ignored it. He just wanted more, more contacted, more…

Hisagi's hand slipped through his underwear and…

Izuru woke up startled. His breathing heavy as he sat. Below the sheets, his pants were wet.

"What the...?" he murmured, and then the shock came, as he remembered partially the dream.

Hisagi was kissing and touching him.

He had a wet of dream because of that…

And it hit him. The very thought he was working so much to deny. Izuru liked Hisagi. He liked him like a lover does, and he wanted to kiss him and more.

It was scary, so scary. What should he do?

He glanced at his phone and looked at the message he received earlier:

_Kazeshini: I really liked the afternoon._

"Me too" he whispered.

Damn, he was definitely falling in love...


	5. Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Underage drinking and consuming drugs. You're warned.
> 
> Important notes: I love Rukia, and I love even more Yumichika. I just need them to be the pseudo-bad guys here, and it's really a matter of perspective. They're bad guys depending of whos' point of view we're looking at.
> 
> Thank you so much for the support for this little story of mine. it's been a while since the last update. Unfortunately, I have a demanding work that doesn't allow much free time, but I promise that I will finish this story and update whenever possible.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ....  
> Burn - The Cure

**Chapter 5** \- Burn

 

There was a difference between crushing and admiring someone. The problem was that Kira was long past the later one.

Since the night he had the wet dream, he couldn’t think straight more. He would get easily distracted, spend hours and hours staring at knowhere with his earphones listening to songs that reminded him of Hisagi; he was pretty sure that Rose was worried and some of his teachers were eyeing him strangely. He couldn’t absorb anything from classes, and knowing that Hisagi was sitting behind him didn’t help either. Every time he heard him move, write down, or even just his breathing, he couldn’t think of nothing else.

They spoke during school, but not as much as when they were alone, just trivial things with others. Kira noticed that Hisagi didn’t speak much in general, unless with Abarai or sometimes with Matsumoto. He had this peculiar darkness around, a Poe-ish aura. He wasn’t anti-social, he simply didn’t talk much.

The dream was stuck in his head, and all Kira could think of was Hisagi. Hisagi’s presence, Hisagi’s voice, Hisagi’s lips. Every time the brunet spoke, he could only stare as the world muted around.

 Neither told the others that they were meeting after school. These moments were so important to Kira, that he didn’t want to share with anyone else.

 A week went byand once again, his school day ended with the appointment with Ukitake.

 “So, have you thought about what are you going to show me next week?”

 “Erh,” Well not really. Kira was avoiding thinking about it. Writing was a sweet escape, a piece of heaven hidden in his mind and soul. Revealing his writing, meant opening his heart to others, and he didn’t know if he was ready to do that. It was scary. Especially if the outcome was to be ridiculed.

 “Just something simple. It can be a literature essay if you want.” Ukitake was a nice person. Kira smiled. He did everything he could to not make things difficult.

 “So, how are things going?”

 “They’re fine.”

 Ukitake sipped from his tea in an approving node.

 “That’s good to hear! Do you miss Rukongai?”

 He didn’t.

 “I miss my friend, but I like in here. Everyone is friendly.”

 “Kira-kun, I’m happy that you’re doing well. Friends are important, I think you’re in good hands with Abarai-kun. His group of friends is intimidating to others, but most of the school do respect them. Also, they have Hisagi-kun to take care of them.”

 Kira’s heart skipped at hearing his name. He looked down to his hand. “Yes, Hisagi-senpai is incredible… I mean, he’s helping me a lot.”

 Ukitake raised an eye, but didn’t say anything.

 “In my previous school everyone was so shallow, it was difficult to be different, to think different. I guess I’m just happy to meet someone who’s different.”

 Ukitake leaned back. “Being different doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Hisagi-kun is indeed peculiar. Some can find him intimidating with his looks, and arriving late in the morning. However, he’s a straight A student. It might seem that he’s distracted but he’s always paying attention.” he leaned forward crossing his hands. “Kira-kun, have you talked with him about what happened to your parents?”

 His heart sunk.

 “Lightly, why?”

 “No particular reason.” he deflected, “have you opened up to anyone? It’s been a while since you had your last session with Yamada-sensei.”

 There was nothing to talk about. It hurt everyday, waking up and remembering that he wouldn’t see his mother again, that he wouldn’t hear his father’s voice again… But these things were not a topic of conversation he would bring up.

 “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

 “I’m not”, Kira replied. “I don’t talk much about it, because I don’t want to.”

 Was this what he really wanted to say?

 “Okay.” Ukitake gently smiled.

 The session finished not longer after, and Kira had the strange feeling that Ukitake was acting odd in the end.

 As he walked away from his locker to go home, he bumped into Matsumoto leaving the girls’ bathroom. She looked at him wide-eyed. Her eyes were puffy, and looked sad. Make-up freshly applied.

“Kira?”

They walked towards the bus station where Matsumoto was going to catch the bus, and Kira would then walk home. She didn’t ask him why he was still at school.

“Friday, we’re going to the Nest, I want you to come with me, you’re my date!”

“What’s that?”

“The Nest of Maggots. It’s where we at times hangout. We’ll have booze and fun!” She said putting her arm around him. Kira wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to a place called like that.

“Why am I your date? You can find a better one.” Kira joked, Matsumoto kind of reminded him of Momo.

“You’re going to reject me? Boomer, am I not good enough?” She feign pity. “Come on, everybody will be there. Let’s have a nice time together!”

 

**0000000000**

 

The Nest of Maggots. Whatever it was, it was scary. The group was talking about it throughout the week, until Friday. Madarame and Yumichika had compiled an alcohol shopping list, and were planning how to take it to the Nest.

 Kira wasn’t sure about drinking. He was underage and the thought of it made him sick. So far, everything his friends did was harmless, but drinking and hanging out in a place with that name was just too scary.

 During lunch break, Hisagi was unusually awaken. The past couple of days were not eventful at all, the brunet barely spoke to him, so being awaken was utterly exciting. Especially, after the exchange of texts they were (finally) having.

  _Kazeshini: Are you coming tonight?_

  _Kira not killer: Yes_

  _Kazeshini: Cool_

  _Kazeshini: Tell Rose you’re staying at Renji’s_

 What? Why? Kira looked up quizzically, and Hisagi smirked across him. He kept typing.

  _Kazeshini: You don’t want him to see you drunk_

 Now Kira frowned.

  _Kira not killer: I don’t drink. Never had, never will._

  _Kazeshini: Yeah, right… I’ll make you_

 If he wasn’t at the rooftop with all of the others, Kira would giggle. He bit the inner side of his cheek to control himself.

  _Kira not killer: How?_

 Hisagi stopped typing for more than a minute and Kira looked up again. Hisagi was gazing him and then smirked slightly, so slightly that was hard to notice.

 Kira patiently looked at his mobile with the _Kazeshini is typing..._ until it stopped and reappeared. This happened several times. Hisagi was writing and deleting and rewriting. It took a few minutes, so Kira typed back.

  _Kira not killer: I’m not that easy._

  _Kazeshini: I’m very persuasive_

 Both wrote at the same time. Kira felt his cheeks warmer. He wished this conversation was about something else, other than alcohol.

  _Kazeshini: Challenge accepted_

 Honestly speaking, Kira didn’t pay attention to the rest of the classes. He was afraid that Rose wouldn’t allow him to go. He never really went out with friends at night, and didn’t know how to even ask.

 He was terrified when Matsumoto mentioned Nest of Maggots, he didn’t want to go, but with Hisagi there things were different.

 Incredibly… Rose said yes, and now Kira found himself video chatting Momo for advice in clothing.

 “Really all black?” she said sipping from the chocolate milk box.

 “The T-shirt is dark blue” and he was wearing grey jeans, not black.

 She analyzed him raising an eyebrow, judgment in her eyes.

 “Hmm… I don’t know… what about underwear? We want to impress the _girlfriend_ , right?” she wriggled her brows and burst in laughter.

 “Momo! I told you, we’re not like that...” Kira sat in the chair in the front of the PC. “We’re friends. That’s it.”

 “I know, I know, I’m joking. You look great! Don’t forget condoms!”

 “What the hell, Momo? Since when you talk like that?”

 “Since I found out you have a crush! Come on, don’t be a prude. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it?”

 Thought about it? Hell, he had a dream about it! But sex wasn’t even something he was thinking about, just the fact that he wanted to kiss Hisagi badly. That dream triggered things that scared him, and whenever he saw Hisagi, whenever he spoke or smirked, he just wanted…

 Kira couldn’t elude himself. Hisagi was a guy, and he doubted that he would go his way. In fact, no one ever went his way. Boys or girls… was he unattractive? He felt like that, that was a point.

 Starting to regret accepting going to a strange party, he slowly left home demoralized and went to Abarai’s.

 The plan was simple, Rose thought he was there and was going to spend the night there, safe and guarded. Abarai knew and was his alibi.

 Abarai was waiting for him with Matsumoto who latched to the blond’s arm.

 “See, I told you I have a date!” she scolded the redhead. She was wearing short shorts and a long sleeved blouse, with heals that made Kira feel pathetic next to her. Abarai in the other hand, was wearing his casual clothes with his hair down. Not too different from before.

 The trio walked to town, where they met Yumichika and Madarame. They went to a construction site that was in a deserted area. The site was a tall building that seemed abandoned. Construction work ceased long time ago. The semi walls were filled with graffiti and there’s was trash everywhere.

 The gathering was behind the buildings in an isolated opened area. There was a huge tag on the wall saying Maggots, and it was more welcoming than in the front.

 Iba was already there along Rukia, and a couple of people that Kira didn’t know.

 They started a fire in an empty metal container and Ikkaku and Yumchika brought a couple of cooling boxes filled with beer.

 All drank, but Kira, and enjoyed their time talking with each other. At some point, someone put music on a small speaker. The music wasn’t the type he was interested on, just some mainstreamed music on, however it did create a cool environment.

The two people that were with Rukia, were a couple, Kurosaki and Inoue. Kira remembered them from photos from Abarai’s Soulspace. They seemed quite normal, almost too normal compared to the rest of the group.

 Matsumoto had abandoned him to be with Inoue and Rukia, the girls speaking as if they weren’t together for a long time. Same for Abarai who was with Kurosaki.

 Kira felt a bit left out. This was a bad idea. He didn’t drink and had nothing to talk with the others. And Hisagi… he was nowhere to be found… this until he heard a laughter.

 Looking behind, he saw the one he was looking forward to see, with Yumichika, the later smiling and laughing loudly.

 A sting crossed his heart. He was glad to see Hisagi there, but not with that other stupid guy next to him.

 Yumichika extended his beer to Hisagi who took a sip from it.

 Kira looked away. Yumichika had drank from it… Ok, this was normal, nothing to worry about. Friends have no problems in sharing drinks, but it bothered him, that Hisagi was sharing a bottle with someone else, especially Yumichika.

 Could Kira go back home on his own? Did he still remembered the path? Because all he wanted was to leave.

 “You good, Kira?” Iba asked coming his way. He was also drinking, but from his own bottle.

 “Yes, I’m cool.” he had to pretend he wasn’t fazed by the other two.

 “There’s booze there, if you want.”

 “I-I don’t drink.” It sounded so stupid.

 “Ok, there’s weed as well if you’re into that.”

 W-weed? What the heck?

 “I’m cool.” he repeated.

 He sat in the small wall next to the girls talking, but not paying attention. He looked across the path and Hisagi was now talking with Madarame and Iba. Yumichika was now with Abarai and Kurosaki. Thank goodness.

 “I need to pee,” Rukia spoke.

“I’ll come with you,” Matsumoto replied. Ans the three girls left somewhere in the building.

This was boring. Maybe because he was not drinking? Everyone seemed happy and talkative, was it the alcohol?

Looking back at Hisagi, he was startled as he saw the brunet walking towards him. Hisagi grabbed a new bottle from the cooler in his way. He looked so handsome as always.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied back. Kira’s heart beat faster, as Hisagi sat next to him.

“No drinking, uh?” Hisagi stated more than he asked.

“Yup.” Kira looked as the brunet grabbed his lighter and removed the cap of the bottle with ease, and took a sip. The blond bit his lower lip as he watched.

 “Then, if I offered this to you, you wouldn’t accept?” he pointed the bottle to him. The bottle Hisagi just drank… where his mouth was… Kira remembered the previous scene where he did the same with Yumichika.

 And then he foolishly decided-

 “I may say yes,” he grabbed the bottle and took a sip. It tasted horrible, like cat pee, if he knew what cat pee tasted like. But he took a second sip, because he just shared an indirect kiss with Hisagi, and life was great now.

 “That wasn’t too hard then,” Hisagi took back the bottle and drank as well.

 “It tastes bad, though...” Kira admitted. And Hisagi chuckled, in the most cute, handsome, sexy way. Kira was mesmerized.

 “It does in the beginning, but you get used to it. Come with me, I got us something better.”

 Kira didn’t hesitate to follow him.

 They went inside the building, where no one else was. Hisagi took from his pocket a tin box with a cigarette. Except it wasn’t because, Hisagi was finishing smoking and this one was different. This was freaking weed. And now Kira was panicking a little.

 “You know what this is?”

 He could only nod.

 “If the others see it, they will pretty much steal it.”

 “Iba-kun said they have some.”

 “Oh, really?” he said putting it in his mouth, “then now, I don’t feel bad at all for not sharing.” he lit it, and inhaled deeply closing his eyes.

 It smelled like grass, and for some reason, Kira stopped feeling scared. Maybe because they were both alone.

 Hisagi reopened his eyes, and offered it to Kira, who once again, acted against his own instincts and accepted it.

 He never smoked anything in his life, he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Breathing deeply, as it met his lips, a ball of smoke infiltrating inside him with the toxicity of a fire bomb. It was hell on earth. He coughed deeply, teary-eyed. Hisagi chuckled but put his hand on his back.

 “Are you alright? I know it’s good quality, but please don’t die,” he joked.

 “I’m ok.” Kira inhaled a second time, now trying to exhale the smoke properly. He was so ashamed, he didn’t want Hisagi to think this was his first time. Even though it was.

 They sat next to each other looking at the night sky in the incomplete building, sharing the joint back and forward. Kira was lightheaded and was glad that he decided to go the Nest. With Hisagi everything was so much better.

 Ignoring the little voice of reasoning in his head, he moved with the flow.

 Hisagi was in a good mood, talking about the album of his favorite band, and the possibility of buying a new guitar.

 “I will need to do a few jobs, if I choose the Ibanez.”

 Kira could only stare at him.

 He was not stressed anymore, he was quiet and relaxed to the point he decided to lean against the other’s arm and closed his eyes.

 The brunet looked at him, and rested his forearm in Kira’s leg. Kira opened his eyes and looked at Hisagi’s hand. His cheeks were getting warmer, and so was his leg. He was high, but the way he was feeling in that moment had probably nothing to do with it.

 Picking from the long dark sleeve, was something shiny and pointy.

 Maybe now it was his state that encouraged him to do the next actions, but he didn’t care. He pulled the sleeve up, showing Hisagi’s spiked bracelet. He played with the spiky points, and tested to see how sharp they were.

 “You can hurt someone with this.”

 “True,” Hisagi replied lowly.

 “I like it. It looks neat.”

 Moving his other hand, the brunet and removed the bracelet and put around Kira’s wrist.

 “You can keep it.”

 “Really?” Kira couldn’t believe it Hisagi gave him something. He would treasure it with his life.

 “Just don’t kill anybody with it,” Hisagi joked.

 They laughed, Kira admiring his new bracelet. “I feel so powerful now, be aware of me. I’m dangerous!”

 The brunet was still smiling. “You are.”

 They stared at each others eyes. Kira felt the world spinning around.

 The sound of something breaking behind them stopped their staring.

 “Cops!” they heard someone yelling. Kira had no idea what was happening. The only thing he remembered was Hisagi grabbing his arm and running towards the building. The distant music stopped and there were a lot of voices around.

 Hisagi continued going inside the building.

 “Shit, they surrounded the building.”

 They took the stairs up to the second floor. It was so dark, that Kira couldn’t tell what was built or not. The sound of footsteps followed them, along with a flashlight moving around.

 Hisagi pushed Kira against a corner of a wall. It was a cramped space, smaller than a closet. The brunet picked outside and hid straight away pushing Kira furthermore against the wall.

 Hisagi’s body was completely against him, as he tried to also hide in the small corner.

 Kira’s legs trembled. Hisagi’s whole body was pressed against him, his breathing in his hair. He smelled of weed and a manly perfume. Kira looked up and Hisagi was looking down at him.

 The steps outside were coming closer, lights still moving around.

 Kira had no idea how long they spent hiding. In fact, he wasn’t even worried about the police. Only that if they were caught, he would stop feeling Hisagi against him.

 “There’s no one in here, let’s check the front.”

 “They all bolted.”

 The police went down slowly, but neither Hisagi or Kira moved.

 Kira remembered his dream, they were in a similar position. Pale cheeks blushed, and he was glad that it was dark, so Hisagi couldn’t see his face. He bit his bottom lip. Hisagi was looking at him, both his hands holding him his waist. When he realized what was going on, he mentally freaked out. His breathing shaking, his body frozen. Any movement would mean that he was going to mess this moment. They stayed there for minutes, time was still unclear.

 He just wished his feelings were returned.

 “We should go.”

 Hisagi’s words were sharp and cold. He moved away and walked out. Kira silently followed. It was disappointing that nothing happened. However, Kira didn’t truly expected anything. He wasn’t naive to the point of waiting for something to happen. For that, he had his dream.

 Although the police was gone, they were still careful when leaving the compound. As they walked out in secondary streets, Hisagi received a contact from someone.

 “Everyone’s ok?” asked. The other person on the phone talked. “Alright, I’m with Kira, we’re going to McDs. Meet us there.” he hang up.

 “Abarai is coming. No one was caught apparently.”

 “Why did the police show up?” Kira asked. It was now clicking in his brain that they were running away from law enforcement.

 “Probably they were just doing rounds. They never go to the Nest, so wasn’t expecting that.”

 “We’ve could’ve gone to jail...” Kira lowly spoke looking at the floor in front of him. What was he thinking? Drinking and smoking drugs?!

 “Only for possession, which we didn’t possess... anymore at least.” he looked at Kira and put an arm around his shoulders, “Don’t worry, I would be in bigger trouble. If Kensei found out, I’d lose the bike, couldn’t work anymore, or leave my house for the rest of my life.”

 “I would visit you if you wanted.” Kira blurt out, Hisagi’s arm so warm against him.

 Hisagi smiled gently.

 “Let’s go eat something, I’m starving.”

 McDs at midnight was heaven on Earth. Kira never craved french fries so much in life. Both he and Hisagi ate silently enjoying their meal until Abarai arrived upset.

 “What the fuck? What the actual fuck?” he sat in their table. “Hell broke lose and you’re eating your asses off?”

 “It’s not the first time this happens, no one got caught, what’s the problem?” Hisagi asked.

 “The problem is that Iba threw his stash in the garbage and it’s no longer there, also that I may be single by tomorrow.”

“What happened?” Kira asked frowning.

 “Honestly… I don’t think I can handle this anymore.” Abarai grabbed his phone that kept vibrating and showed his text messages. There were texts and texts from Rukia, and more showing up.

 “That’s not healthy,” Hisagi replied drinking from his coke.

 “She’s crazy. She keeps blaming me as if I’m the one who called the cops! I didn’t even smoke, I drank one beer. One! I’m doing this straightedge shit for her, and she’s always complaining.” the phone vibrated two more times. “I’m going to break my phone.”

 “Abarai-kun...”

 “Just break up. You’re not happy with her.”

 “I know, I have to. I’m dragging this down, but we’ve been together for 4 years. It’s not easy.”

 They stayed there until late listening to Abarai’s love story and how pitiful his life was.

 During the weekend, they all laid low. Hisagi said that Kensei didn’t mention anything about that night, and for that reason they were safe.

 Kira spent it watching movies with metal soundtracks that Hisagi recommended.

 He did receive a visit from Abarai during Sunday.

 “Sorry about Friday. I was just upset about the whole situation,” the redhead said sitting in his bed.

 “You don’t need to apologize. I understand.” It was boring listening to his relationship, but at least Hisagi was there.

 “It’s complicated you know? Everybody keeps telling me to break up with her, but I like her. I don’t want to break up, but we are at this point where we fight every day.”

 Kira stayed quiet unsure of what to say.

 “What should I do, Kira?”

 “I don’t know. What is that you want to do?”

 “I want to stay with her.”

 “Then do that. Talk with her, tell her that it hurts you when she blames you for things you didn’t do.”

 “Already did that.”

 “Tell her, that you need to have a serious conversation. If she doesn’t change than maybe you shouldn’t be together.”

 Abarai sighed and hugged him, “You’re a good friend, Kira.”

 His computer rang, and video call started. It was Momo. The three of them talked, she was ecstatic to be able to see Abarai.

 “So any plans for Halloween?” she asked.

“Yeah, every year this guy, Omaeda always throws a party. He’s super rich, so there’s always a lot of food and booze. AH!” Abarai yelled, and turned to Kira. “I have costumes for us, Kira you have to help me here. Urahara is getting for me the Injustice Batman costume, and I asked him to get a Robin one for you!”

“Wait, you want me to go as Robin?” It wouldn’t be Kira’s first choice.

“Injustice Robin, please Kira! It will be cooler if we are both doing this! Come on!”

“OK, I guess...” Abarai seemed so happy, how could he refuse?

“Batman and Robin, that’s so cute! Take photos!” Momo asked. “Hey Kira-kun, maybe you can convince her to go as Catwoman, meow.”

What? Kira’s eyes widen.

“Eh? Who?” Abarai asked.

“His crush, the hottie that he likes.”

 “What? Kira, I didn’t know you have a crush!”

 “Wait- no. I don’t, seriously.”

 “Yes, he has Abarai-kun. And you should help them, they already spend time together, but nothing is happening!”

 How could Momo sell him like that? This was a misunderstanding.

 “Is it… Matsumoto? She has a boyfriend, you know?”

 “It’s not Matsumoto, we’re friends.”

 “Then who?” then Abarai’s eyes squint. “It’s not Rukia, right?”

 “Of course not! Momo is just talking nonsense.” He wished he could just vanish in that moment.

 “Then who else? What other girls do you hangout with?”

 Momo stared at both intrigued.

 “Abarai-kun if you don’t stop I wont be Robin.”

 The redhead threw himself at him, “Sorry, sorry, sorry. I need you as my Robin, I’ll stop!”

 The whole situation made Kira fearful. For the first time, he truly felt bad for his feelings. He couldn’t deny that the fact that the person he liked was a guy made him afraid of his friends’ reaction.

 He couldn’t talk about Hisagi anymore to anybody. Not even Momo.

 He was wearing bracelet Hisagi gave him. He loved that night so much… it was a lonely feeling, knowing he couldn’t share this with anyone.

 

  **0000000000**

 

 “I have a Halloween costume,” Abarai spoke as he checked his text messages.

 Hisagi sat in his bed laying down in the bottom part, also on his phone.

 “I already spoke with Kira, we’re going to do it together.”

 “What are you dressing?” Hisagi asked intrigued.

 “I’m not going to tell you, it’s gonna be a surprise. What about you?”

 “Don’t know yet, not sure if I’m getting a costume this year.”

 “Come on Hisagi, don’t be boring. You have to dress up!”

 He kept scrolling down his Soulspace dashboard, Rukia didn’t post anything yet. Monday he was going to talk with her.

 He stopped scrolling as he saw a picture posted by Matsumoto, it was her Kira and him in front of his place. They were all smiling, as she held both of their arms.

 “Oh yeah, don’t tell anybody,” he started speaking as he liked the photo. “I think Kira has a crush for Matsumoto.”

 Hisagi didn’t reply right away. He stared at his phone, and sighed “Really?”

 “Yeah, he didn’t want to admit it was her, but Momo confirmed he has a crush.”

 “Good for him,” Hisagi spoke. “I have to go.”

 “Eh? Now? What about my homework?”

 “Something came up, sorry. Ask someone else to help,” and he left.

 Renji didn’t follow him. Sometimes Hisagi had this strange behavior. Since his accident, he would get cranky easily or isolate himself. He learnt when to follow and when not to. Renji missed the old Hisagi.

 He exhaled deeply and looked back at his phone.

 

**To be continued...**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter. Next one, a twist of events :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Ambivalent Ideal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some ShuuKira action ;)
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and support!
> 
> All the chapters are inspired by different songs.(hence, each chapter title is actually the name of a song) I know that we all have different taste in music, and these ones may be not your type, but in case you're interested: I will leave a note which song is the chapter inspired on.  
> .....  
> Ambivalent Ideal - Lynch.

**Chapter 6** – Ambivalent Ideal

 

Kira stared at the blank page in his computer. He had thought to bring Ukitake one of his stories, however it was scary sharing something so personal. What if it was bad? What if he was rejected by his literature teacher? It was overwhelming. He didn’t know if he could handle the negativity at his point of his life. What he didn’t consider though, was the fact that he was having a serious case of writer’s block, right in the day before he had to present it his work. The reason being the same as always lately, - Hisagi.

 In the past couple of days, he went back to being distant. Kira didn’t know why Hisagi had these moments, becoming quiet and so far apart that it looked like the times they were together never existed. The others didn’t seem to care about Hisagi being quiet, as they were already used to it. The others also didn’t know how close both have become, and that made things harder for Kira as he had no one to share his concerns.

 It was unsettling. Was Hisagi bored of him? Was Hisagi aware of his feelings and it threw him off? He was a guy after all and most probably he didn’t swing his way.

 This was all new to Kira. He knew he had feelings for Hisagi, to the point the other aroused him. He wanted to kiss him and touch him. However, Kira didn’t dare to think more than that. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what boys did in bed. He just didn’t know if he could even think about those things with Hisagi yet. He heard about it, but he never actually saw it.

 He could hear Rose playing guitar in the living room. He was locked in the safe space of his room, this would be the perfect time… He logged out from Soulspace and closed that dreadful blank page. Opening an incognito page he searched for a popular porn site. It was in moments like these that he was grateful for not sharing his laptop with anyone else.

 He didn’t usually go these websites, but he wanted to actually see with his own eyes how guys did it. His phone rang startling him. He closed quickly the browser, and also the laptop harshly.

 He looked at his phone and the person calling was Matsumoto. She asked if they could meet at a nearby cafe.

 She was wearing a light pink hoodie and sweatpants which was quite different from the usual fashionista Kira was used to see. She waved at him smiling, her eyes hiding behind big round sunglasses.

 They ordered drinks and spoke about trivial things. He had no idea why Matsumoto wanted to meet, and it didn’t look like there was a specific reason at all.

 She did seem sad.

 “So, tell me about your old school,” she asked. Kira remembered that she mentioned she had a boyfriend from that school.

 “There’s nothing much to tell. It’s a rich kids school, with good teachers.”

 “Are there many cute girls?”

 Kira thought about it, he never paid much attention to girls.

 “There’s some girls yes.”

 She sighed. Kira could see where this was going.

 “Are you thinking about your boyfriend?”

 “Well, not really.” she sipped from her coffee. “We rarely see each other because he’s so far away. Sometimes I get these moments… I just miss him so much, you know?”

 She drank a bit more. “This is not the type of thing I can easily speak with the others. No one likes my boyfriend and they keep telling me to just get someone else.”

 “Why they don’t like him?”

 “Because he can come as arrogant, and whenever he’s here, he acts like an asshole. It’s just the way he is, but the others don’t understand him or makes the effort. Except maybe Hisagi.” 

Kira’s breath caught in his throat.

“Hisagi-senpai is a good person.”

She smiled. “True. Even with all the things he’s been through, he’s the only one who has his head in the right place. Don’t get me wrong I love all of them, but they just care about fighting and drinking, and sometimes we need a bit more.” 

“I understand,” Kira drank from his chocolate milk.

“I know you do, that’s why I enjoy spending time with you. You can hear others without judgment.”

Kira realized in that moment that he won a good friend. Matsumoto was lonely and needed someone to support her. He would be there for her.

They spend more time together and went to a 7/11 close to Abarai’s place.

“Vanilla coke is too sweet. Cherry is the best one!” Matsumoto said grabbing one of the cans.

“I don’t agree. Vanilla is just heaven,” Kira replied replying the vanilla one.

“Coke and chocolate, comfort food for lonely hearts,” the blonde spoke, and Kira laughed.

“At least we have each other,” he said.

“Amen to that, hon,” Matsumoto chuckled and then her eyes widen as she looked at the door. Kira looked as well, and his heart skipped a beat.

Hisagi stood there looking at them. After paying something at the cash register, he joined them.

“Look who’s here! Were you at Abarai’s?” Matsumoto asked.

“Yes.” Hisagi’s voice was low and stoic. He looked at Kira.

“H-hello.” Damn, Kira was so nervous. He was not prepared for this. Hisagi looked wonderful as ever, wearing his leather jacket with a t-shirt with monster on it.

“Hey...”

Hisagi looked back at Matsumoto and then at Kira.

“Kira and I are looking at a way of filling our lonely hearts. So far, soda and snickers are the winners.”

“Really?”

“Yup, want to join?”

There was more silence and Hisagi looked at Kira.

“No, I can’t. I just came to buy cigarettes. See ya.”

“See you tomorrow!”

“Bye,” was the only thing Kira could say. He could been thinking too much, but Hisagi was not happy of seeing him.

He ended up going home right after. His heart hurt. There was an anguish he didn’t know how to handle.

Hisagi didn’t want to be with them, because of him. The way he looked at him was the proof.

Kira paced around his room. He could try to contact him. He went to his laptop and logged into Soulspace, Hisagi wasn’t online, he never was. He could be in invisible mode though. He decided to try his luck:

_Hello. How are you?_

He clicked sent. There was no reply. He wondered if he should text, but was afraid of looking like a stalker.

Hisagi never replied and Kira barely slept that night.

In the next day, Kira waited at the entrance for Hisagi until class started. Hisagi arrived late during second period. The teacher strangely said nothing.

His senpai was clearly tired and didn’t look at Kira once.

There were no opportunities to talk with him as there was always someone with him during breaks and lunch hour. The silent treatment was killing Kira. After school ended, he waited for Hisagi by his locker. The brunet arrived short after when the hallways were already cleared of other students.

Kira was late for his meeting with Ukitake, but he couldn’t go now. He needed to speak with Hisagi first.

“What are you doing here?” Hisagi asked surprised.

“I-I wanted to talk to you,” Kira moved so Hisagi could access his locker. 

“Alright.”

  
“Are you upset with me?” this was not what he had in mind of asking. He was sure his voice sounded desperate, but he just wanted a response of any kind.

“What?” Hisagi closed his door, confused. “Why are you asking that?”

“You’ve been acting weird and not really talking to me, so I though maybe I did something wrong when we were at the Nest...”

“I’m not upset with you,” Hisagi stated. “It’s not you… there’s a lot of things in my mind.”

Kira was relieved and let out a small still desperate smile. 

“I’m glad, I really thought you were mad at me.” 

“Why would I?” Hisagi asked. He couldn’t reply ‘ _because I thought you figure out that I really like you in a way that you may find_ _uncomfortable_ _’_

“I don’t know...” He felt so ashamed, he should’ve planned this better.

They stared at each other. Hisagi’s expression was soft but unreadable. The tall figure shadowed Kira, in a way that he felt so little.

“Wanna go to the spot?” Hisagi asked.  
“Now?”

Hisagi nodded. He had his final meeting with Ukitake now. The meeting where he would show his work that he didn’t prepare. Kira did not hesitate.

“Yes.”

Hisagi didn’t bring his bike, so they took the train. During their journey they barely spoke with each other, but Hisagi did share one of his earphones. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence anymore, just them doing what was normal to them.

Going to the woods by train took much more time than by bike.

They arrived in the middle of the afternoon. The weather was still sunny, but the autumn cold breeze was already here.

They both sat in Hisagi’s blanket, that he kept in his locker, against their school bags leaning on the tree.

“I saw The Crow,” Kira spoke. “I liked it.”

“I thought you would.”

“But it was a sad movie.”

“He got his revenge,” Hisagi said pulling a joint from his bag.

“Yes, but he lost everything, and revenge didn’t help him getting back anything.”

“It was get closure,” Hisagi inhaled and then shared the blunt.

“I understand that,” Kira took it and also inhaled it. This was the second time he was smoking weed and he wondered how his self-controlled person kept just accepting everything Hisagi gave him without blinking. “But in the end his fiance was still dead. I feel so sorry for him, he didn’t have anyone else. Losing the person you love in such a cruel way… I don’t know… I think I’m just taking it too personal.”

Hisagi frowned thoughtful as they shared the blunt. He didn’t reply and looked away.

Kira looked up at the sky. “I think that if I lost someone I love now at this moment of my life, I wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore.”

Hisagi looked back at him, but said nothing.

They stayed quiet. Enjoying their high. The mood became lighter as they spoke about videogames.

“The new MK looks great, but I hope they have my main or I may not purchase it straight away.”

“It does look good, but I wouldn’t pay full price either,” Hisagi agreed getting up and stretching his arms. He looked around and then back at Kira. Frowning he crunched in front of him and grabbed his hand displaying the spiked bracelet hidden inside the sleeves of Kira’s uniform.

The blond blushed bright red. He kept wearing the bracelet since that time.

Hisagi smiled back and sat in front of him not letting his hand go. He slowly massaged Kira’s fingers with his thumb without breaking eye contact.

Kira liked him so much. He wanted to see Hisagi smiling like this all the time.

“Senpai, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You said you had a lot in your mind lately. Is everything ok?”

Hisagi didn’t let his hand go. Both looked down at their hands holding each other. Hisagi’s fingers were longer than his, his nails painted black, the polish faded in certain spots. His hand was strong but smooth. This gesture was so intimate it sparked Kira’s body.

“Now it is.”

“For sure?” he was genuinely concerned.

“Yes, my mind sometimes takes me to strange places, that’s all.”

“You know, you can talk to me, right?”

Hisagi didn’t reply, but grinned. He moved back to the blanket but laid down with his head in Kira’s lap.

Kira was high, really high. This situation was so surreal he wasn’t sure if it was real life or not. He didn’t dare to run his hand through Hisagi’s hair. Not wanting to spoil this moment, he just let it flow.

Hisagi kept holding his hand until they left.

 

**0000000000**

 

Missing Ukitake’s appointment was worse than he thought it would be. Rose was called to school and the three of them had a peculiar reunion.

Ukitake was nice as usual, but it bothered Kira that he twisted everything. He advised that Kira should still consult a therapist, at least for a few months. That the fact he missed the final appointment, meant that he was not alright.

Rose calmly listen to everything and nodded in return.

As they both drove home, there was no music, unlike all the other times. They stopped in the middle of traffic.

“I’m sorry”, he spoke. Rose was doing everything he could to help, and here he was being a problem-child. Not that he was regretting, because he was able to spend a wonderful afternoon with Hisagi. But still, he should be able to control himself and his behavior.

“You don’t have anything to apologize. I just want to know why you didn’t go the meeting. It was the last one, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Kira bit his lip looking down. “I was with Hisagi-senpai. He doesn’t know about the appointments.”

The mention of Hisagi changed Rose’s expression to relieved. His uncle went on a speech about how this was to help him, not to be a burden, and that he was there for anything they needed.

By Friday, the weather had changed to cloudy and dark. During lunch time, things at the rooftop became strange.

Madarame had said something about Rukia, which infuriated Abarai.

“Fuck you! You’re just jealous, you closeted bastard.”

“What the fuck you said, Abarai? I have no problem in beating the shit out of you and put some sense in your head. No one can listen to you anymore whining about your woman. Just dump her, man!”

“Shut up! What if she comes back and hears you?!” Abarai yelled.

“Good, maybe she will dump you!” Madarame replied.

“Abarai, you need to understand that all couples have problems, but we don’t want to hear about them,” Yumichika spoke.

“Really, Yumi? You, after all the times I listen to you about Hisagi?” Abarai replied. Kira looked at Hisagi across the rooftop who had his arms crossed.

What did he mean about Hisagi?

“That’s not the point!”

“It is the point! You guys can talk about your lives, but when I need someone to listen, no one is there!”

“We’re always here, but you’re always complaining!” Madarame spoke. “Just fucking break up! She doesn’t even like you, everybody knows shes into Kurosaki!”

Kira didn’t understand who threw the first punch, but suddenly a fight broke through. Iba tried to separate them, and so did Hisagi who put himself between Madaram and Abarai, facing the bald boy.

“Enough,” he said.

“Fuck you, Hisagi! You’re always defending him, you’re also as sick as everyone else of hearing him.”

“Is that true?” Abarai asked hurt.

  
“Madarame, why are you creating problems?” Hisagi asked.

“Because I’m tired of all of you being a bunch of wusses. Abarai, you need to man up, and you Hisagi? You need to fucking get over your dead gi-” Hisagi punched the bald guy right in the nose. Kira stared speechless, as both guys fist fought. He never saw Hisagi looking so terrifying and it scared him. Both Iban and Abarai now tried to separate them.. Matsumoto was yelling for them to stop.

Kira just moved on his own, without controlling himself and pulled Hisagi’s arm to him. Abarai separated them and pushed the brunet away. Kira pulled him away from the fight.

“Let’s go!” He grabbed their things and left the rooftop. Hisagi followed him silently to the lockers. He wasn’t hurt, but his hair was tousled and he was breathing hard.

“I need to get out of here.”

Kira’s eyes widen. “You’re going to miss school. You should stay.”

“I can’t go to classes like this. I just need to get away from this hell hole,” his hands were shaking. The darkness in his eyes, his voice so low…

“Then let’s go the woods,” Kira said.

“What?” Hisagi asked.

“The woods, our spot. I’ll go with you.” he opened his locker taking his things with him. Grabbing Hisagi’s hand he left the building. He had no idea, how he would pass the gate, until Hisagi pulled him to the side entrance of the building. Hisagi helping him jump over the fence, and then he jumped it too.

Once again, they had to take the train. The weather was getting worse by the minute, but they kept going. The train ride seemed faster than the last time, and they silently went to the woods.

They laid down the blanket. Hisagi laid down completely using his bag as a pillow. He hid his face with his arm. Kira sit next to him. The blanket was not big enough for two people.

The wind blew cold making the hairs in his arm rise. He put the hood on top of his head. Hisagi looked up and grabbed his arm, making him lay down next to him. In order to fit in the blanket they had to face each other.

Hisagi looked down.

“Thanks,” he said. “for doing this.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s actually the first time, I’m skipping classes, I’m internally freaking out.”

“I’m sorry...”

“No! I’m joking, don’t worry.” Kira replied. Hisagi laid on his left. Kira was so close to him, he could see every detail from his face. The color of his eyes, his tattoo, the 3 big scars. He ran his handle gently across them. Hisagi grabbed his wrist catching him by surprise. Slowly, he intertwined their fingers like last time.

“You were so upset, I never saw you like that,” the blond lowly spoke. Hisagi’s grip strengthened.

“It’s not a side I wanted you to meet.”

“Why?” Kira asked. He wanted to know Hisagi, the good and the bad.

“Because you may want to leave… my past is dark.”

“I won’t leave. I know you, Hisagi-senpai, and from what I know, I like everything. I mean… I enjoy being with you.” He blushed madly at his own words. Without realizing he basically confessed to him. He hoped Hisagi wouldn’t take the wrong way.

Hisagi grabbed Kira’s hand and cupped his own scarred cheek with it.

“Last year,” Hisagi started. “I was in an accident.”

This was the accident everyone was talking about. Kira didn’t know what to say.

“This in my face was because of that accident.”

“What happened?” Kira asked.

“It was a car accident. My best friend was driving and my girlfriend was in the front seat. I was sleeping in the back.”

Kira felt a stab in his stomach as he heard the story.

“We were coming back from a party, and Aoga was distracted… He didn’t see the red light… and…”

A car accident. Just like his parents.

“I was in an induced coma for 4 days. When I woke up, I found out I was the only survivor.”

Kira’s eyes watered without him realizing. Hisagi was looking down with a deep sadness.

“Until this day I still can be in a car.”

A tear fell crossing Kira’s face. Hisagi looked up and cleaned the tear.

“I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“I’m sorry.” Losing everything like that. In such a similar way. Kira new what he was feeling, more than anyone. Hisagi lost his best-friend and his… girlfriend. Kira hated himself for thinking this at this point, but Hisagi was straight… At least he knew now. The brunet had a lot on his mind, that’s what he said before. This is what he had in his mind, and Kira? Kira was thinking in being with him… Was tainting him with lewd thoughts. Kira was the worst.

They continued listening to music from the hearphones they shared.

Hisagi let go of his hand, and slowly traced Kira’s bang with his fingers, taking it away from the eyes.

“You should grow your hair it would look good on you,” he said.

Kira’s heart beat madly. He stared at Hisagi and then his mouth. Hisagi mimicked him. There was definitely some tension. This was too much, he didn’t know what to do or think anymore. He liked Hisagi more than anything, and now knowing his past… Kira liked him even more.

Grey eyes met blue. Hisagi stared, making time stop. It was just the two of them in the woods, in the world.

Hisagi’s hand stopped moving, and he slowly moved forward. So slowly, it took a moment for Kira to understand what was happening. His face was merely inches away, and his breathing was coaxing Kira into him. It was like a magnet as their lips met. Kira closed his eyes, not thinking anymore. Hisagi was kissing him, and for some reason he felt like crying again.

Hisagi’s lips were soft, however there was strength into them. The kiss was warm and light, making him forget to breathe. This was his first kiss…

Hisagi stopped, and the blond looked at him with hooded eyes. He wanted more. Hisagi moved forward once again and kissed him. Kira kissed back straight away. The older boy’s hand slid down to his side and he moved both bodies so Kira laid underneath him. The force of this kiss was stronger than before. It was more urgent, more needed. Their breathing moved in sync. Hisagi sucked his bottom lip slightly making him gasp. It send electric vibes through his whole body.

He never thought that kissing was like this. As he opened his mouth, Hisagi’s tongue met his, and he melted, letting out a low moan. Their tongues twirled, tasting each other, and the more they did the more frantic it became. Hisagi was almost laying on top of him, his own hands grabbing the brunet’s jacket pulling him closer.

This was heaven, Hisagi was kissing him and it felt so good.

A drop fell on his forehead, which he ignored. Then another and another. In a matter of seconds it started heavily pouring. Hisagi broke the kiss, licking his own lips.

“Shit,” he said as the rain became more aggressive.

He helped Kira getting up and both grabbed their belongings to leave as soon as possible. Kira was wearing his raincoat, but Hisagi was only wearing his leather jacket with the school uniform underneath.

There was no where to get cover. The rain was cold, and the wind didn’t help them either. They walked fast in the rain to the train station, in silence.

As they arrived, there was a great amount of people waiting, from business travelers to students, it was already evening. They took the train that was full of people. Kira leaned against the window, and Hisagi was in front of him, shielding him from the others. They stayed silent the whole time.

Kira had so many questions. Hisagi kissed him, so this meant he liked him? Were they dating? Were they… boyfriends? He was feeling so shy though, not knowing what to say.

Hisagi stared at him down. His hair was completely went sticking to his face. If he was good, he didn’t let it show.

Not longer after they arrived at their station.

“You should call Rose to get you, I’ll take the bus home,” was the first thing Hisagi said.

“We’ll take you home too,” Kira replied dialing his phone to call Rose.

“I can’t,” he said. Kira remembered what he told him earlier. Due to the accident, he couldn’t ride in car anymore.

“Oh, right...”

“It’s okay. It’s just a couple of stops away.”

Hisagi waited until Rose picked him up. They were both silent, and didn’t do anything else. In fact, there was no touching of any kind since the woods.

Rose didn’t ask if Hisagi wanted a ride, knowing already the answer. He didn’t ask them why there were at the city, knowing it was something normal for the students to do after school. He just hoped that Rose wouldn’t know that he actually missed school. His uncle didn’t know.

When they arrived home, Kira went for a warm shower and dressed his pajamas. He couldn’t stop thinking about the afternoon. He saw a side of Hisagi he didn’t know before, and then of course… the making out! They made out! Kira was in cloud nine. He laid down in his bed smiling from ear to ear. He picked up his phone and texted.

_Kira not killer: I really liked this afternoon._

He was completely in love with Hisagi. This was a fact.

He waited a reply, but there was none. He waited until late. There was no sign that Hisagi read his message, or maybe… he did read… maybe the afternoon was not so great for him... What if Hisagi regret it?

Kira stayed awaken until dawn for a reply until he couldn’t stay awake anymore.

He fell asleep not feeling as happy as before.

 

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... seems that Kira doesn't have much confidence in himelf, right?
> 
> A little bit of angst coming soon.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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